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that may affect your relationship. Ask him when he last saw the doctor? And the dentist? In my own case, if he had a set of hooves I would check those too! Some people may find these questions slightly intrusive but for example, you really need to know about problems such as herpes BEFORE you start your sexual relationship and not have it casually mentioned at a later date.

Does he get on with his family? How does he feel about children? If you are dating someone who find children repulsive or hasn't spoken to his mother in 5 years you may be dating someone who has certain "issues" which may interfere with any plans that you have for having a family later on. Be realistic on this front. If he is still worth hanging onto, take him on a visit to see how he gets on with your nephews and nieces. How he does he behave towards your parents? You will know instinctively if you are going to have problems and will have to act accordingly.

Are you matched energy wise? Some people can't sit still for five minutes and if you have someone constantly dragging you away from the TV to go mountain climbing or cycle racing, you are going to be pretty drained in no time and you are going to feel resentful that you get no time to relax. It is important that you are matched to someone who can share similar interests and be on the same wavelength, otherwise there is no point in being together is there?

What about religion? To some people it is very important. Myself I am OK with it but would not want someone forcing their religious views on me, although I would respect their faith. A person's faith can be very important to them and may have quite a bearing on the relationship. It is best to be realistic about this one. If there is a big divide such as he is a Muslim and you are a Christian, then unless one of you is going to accept the other persons religion, then it is best to leave the table and go your separate ways with no harm done.

Each person will have their own list and their own idea of what makes the perfect man. Sometimes it can be quite a small thing that makes a big difference. For example, one particular guy I dated asked me if I smoked, I answered that I did not, and thought it was a filthy habit. I asked if he smoked. He answered "no I quit". I then said I was really impressed with what he had done and asked him when did he quit smoking? He answered: "Just now!"

Ultimately you cannot tell from ticking a few things off a list whether the man you meet is totally right for you. But you can tell there is something special going on when they start to make sacrifices for you. You can tell when they are making an effort for you and giving you the respect that you deserve. You can tell whether this man is going to show you the love and commitment that you are looking for, by how much care that he shows towards you.

Myself? I think actions speak more than words sometimes. After all, that guy that gave up smoking for me? I have been with him many years now and he has never had another cigarette since!

I call that true love, and ultimately that is what women are really searching for in a man isn't it?

Learn more about this author, Jane Allyson.
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