by Jamie LB

Created on: January 30, 2008

Co-dependant relationships usually start off fairly innocent. The meeting of eyes leads to a nervous introduction, exchanging names and numbers while silently passing judgment. Then comes the first date, complete with awkward silences and random conversations. Finally, you realize the mutual attraction and similar tastes, and the honeymoon phase ensues. You involve each other in every waking moment of your lives, deserting your sole identities and instead becoming a conjoined unit, sharing the same interests, friends, and bed. Before you know it, your old personas have gone by the way side, and two people have somehow become one- kind of like Siamese hearts.

At first, these days seem heavenly. Who wouldn't want someone exactly like themselves to keep them company all the time, share inside jokes, see new movies, and make love to? Like a security blanket to a baby, a co-dependant lover can feel so good to the touch, but also represent something juvenile and unnecessary. Just as children are expected to outgrow there objects of refuge, lovers are meant to be independent from each other after time. The initial high of a new love will always wear off, but if one person or the other (or both) refuses to maintain some autonomy, only problems will ensue.

The qualities of co-dependency often develop during teenage years. To an adolescent, self-validation becomes more essential than even breathing. Survival is based upon who likes you, how popular you are, and what the opposite sex thinks about you. These years are typical for measuring self-worth with popularity, where attention is to our egos what food is to our appetite. Their sustenance is based on acceptance, and there isn't a more satisfying way of being accepted than by the other sex. The rush of hormones, the thrill of firsts, and the pride of being half of a unit is what most teenage girls thrive off of. Having a boyfriend means you are someone important, and to lose the enabling factor that makes you worth talking about would be equivalent, to them, of losing your identity.

As these relationships develop into a downward spiral, all rationale is thrown out the door, replaced by inane arguments rooted in self doubt and fear. Believing that nothing else can make them happy or that no one else can understand them they way their lover does, they become dependant on the companionship and comfort of each other. Like heroin to a junkie, they become addicted to the touch, smell, kiss, and sound of their other half; they

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>