by Vicki Phipps

Created on: January 29, 2008   Last Updated: May 05, 2009

Douglas Noel Adams said, "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I've ended up where I intended to be." I know exactly what he means. Just one moment in time can change your life and rearrange your destiny. It's like a fork in the road when you don't know which way to go. It can be an opportunity, but then again, that moment might seem like a rude awakening of some kind that redefines your life. It can hit you between the eyes, or at least that's what the moment was like for me. Like a flash of insight, everything changed in a heart beat.

One would think that moment for me would be when I was branded with, "The Big C," but that particular moment in my life was not a shock or even a big surprise. By then, I'd already been identified as a victim, so the incurable and deadly disease seemed to be a predetermined destiny. Created by a mess of stress, hard times, strife, a bitter divorce followed by a day in bankruptcy court, I was tired of life. It's that sense of, "dis-ease," which created my disease. It was a way to escape, I believe. Thoughts become things, apparently.

I'd never heard of stage four Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma before, but the facts remain the same. Unless we face what makes us afraid, bitter, mad, sad or a mess of stress, the monsters we create will bite our behinds. In time, we see there's no such thing as a disease that cares how unprepared or unaware we might be to face the demise of life. Besides, no one ever said life would be fair and square for human beings. We arrive in life with a will that's free to choose what we think, say and do, which can leave us confused and blind to the truth. What we think of most determines what we believe and what we believe creates our reality. After looking through a view of doom and gloom for decades of time, chemotherapy became a part of my normal routine.

Denial can be comforting, so the moments went by while I remained unaware and unprepared to see the power God gave and I was too numb to pray. "I'm fine," I'd say every day to those who didn't know what to do or say. How stoic and serene I seemed, but it was like being thrust into The Twilight Zone all alone. It's a place where no one wants to go, so as long as I seemed fine, everyone went on with their lives with peace of mind. In the mean time, I watched my IV drip as the clock ticked, but I still didn't get it. God never intended me to be a victim, but the law of attraction can be a distraction.

That's why the moment that changed my life didn't

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