by Molly Carter

Created on: January 29, 2008

Resentment can destroy any relationship. One of the most detrimental forms of resentment is in a marriage. When married, it's easy to blame financial woes, the end of job aspirations, time constraints, housework, children, or stress in general on your spouse. Here are a few things to be weary of regarding resentment in a marriage.

One of the biggest things in a relationship that breeds resentment is money. One spouse is a spendthrift, one spouse is a saver, or both are big spenders and consequently rack up bills that they cannot pay. Money is one of the biggest stresses in life, and it's easy to take our stress out on the people we love the most.

A suggestion to lesson the financial strain and resentment surrounding money is to speak openly about your problems. When we don't communicate, that is when resentment starts to take hold. As difficult as it is, assess the problems you are having. Lay out a budget, and stick to it. Make rules surrounding purchases that you can each make. Set a limit. If an item is above that sticker price it should be a joint decision.

Another big area of resentment is surrounding jobs. In marital relationships we sometimes have to make big compromises. Sometimes we have to move for the other's promotion, or put our spouse through school to earn a graduate degree. Some mom's or dad's feel resentful if they have to give up their jobs to take care of children, or work extra jobs to make ends meet.

Really talk to your spouse about your unhappiness surrounding your job. Once it's on the table, you can find a way to feel independent, like picking up a part time job, or working from home, if you want to spend more time with your children.

Life is full of pressure and stress. Inadvertently, we usually take it out on those people we love the most, or feel the most comfortable with. With the pressures of work, money, and children, tiny things like housework can be a huge source of resentment. If you are both working all day, yet one person does the brunt of the housework, the other is bound to feel resentful. A good way to avoid resentment surrounding housework is to make a chore chart. It sounds adolescent, but it's a good way for each person to appreciate what the other person does.

Children can be another deep-rooted source of resentment, especially when your parenting styles differ. If one person tends to be stricter, and the other parent more lenient, you will find your patience wearing whenever your child doesn't do what you expect them too. Talk to your spouse about your triggers. If manners are of the utmost importance to you, discuss that with your spouse. Be prepared to let some things slide. Only fight the battles for the most important things.

The last big resentment trigger is extended family. We've all heard in-law horror stories. No matter how well you get along with your in-laws, there are always little things that you have to get used to. It might be how your husband was raised to communicate, or not communicate as the case may be. It may be how your wife was raised to be detail oriented. Your resentment may stem from deep-rooted problems your spouse had with their parents growing up. Talk about it. Be open and honest, yet respectful of your spouse's feelings. If they can understand why you feel the way you do, your feelings of resentment will dwindle.

Every relationship is bound to have a little resentment under the surface, but the key is to communicate your feelings and hurts before it festers into hatred. Pick your battles and let the other things slide. There is no need to hang on to every hurt.

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