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Susan better, I returned stating I had cleared my schedule and would attend.

The seminar began with a lecture by some girly-man who droned on for forty-five minutes about how much of a break-through this could be. Next we all sat in a large circle on the floor while crossing our legs after taking off our shoes. I think it was a Yoga position or some other crap like that. My legs started to hurt, so I changed to the fetal position figuring it would give me an advantage over the others.

Next I could smell incense burning, and combined with the overpowering smell of feet, I was about to be knocked unconscious. I prayed it wasn't Susan's feet. Some eerie music started playing in the background, and after doing a relaxation cycle, we were asked to focus our attention inward and to go back into our memory to find the child residing there.

I turned my focus inward and try as I might, I wasn't getting anywhere. Just a blank screen appeared. After a short while I must have dozed off.

Next I came face to face with a committee. My committee consisted of Ego, Fear, Sex, Guilt, and Relationships. They introduced themselves and asked me what I wanted.

"Where are we?" I inquired.

"Inside your mind," they all answered in unison.

"Hey is there an inner child in here?" I asked.

"No, its adults only in here." Ego replied. "With Sex spouting off all the time, we'd get arrested if there were children present. We like to play with adults and we got us a hot one on the hook with this girl Susan."

Sex spoke up next. "You said it. That Susan is a looker! Tell her to forget her inner child and find her inner slut!"

"Can someone shut him up?" Guilt responded. "He'll blow any chance we have with Susan. For God's sake, don't let him talk out loud."

Relationships was getting concerned. "Susan's a nice girl, don't scare her away Sex."

"Don't you remember how long it's been? I won't scare her away, don't worry about that." Sex said convincingly. "If she wants to play with someone younger, get me a blue pill and we'll perform like we were seventeen again. Tell her we'll play doctor!"

Fear was becoming nervous. "Can we get arrested if Sex undresses Susan's inner child?"

"Not if it's for medical reasons," Ego fired back.

The discussions went downhill from here.

My ex-wife used to say I talked in my sleep. I never believed her before that day.

I never got in touch with my inner child; my adult children blocked all further communication. Susan got in touch with hers though, and I guess the instructor managed to find Susan's inner child too. They left together and last week when she stopped by my office, she told me they were engaged.

For a bridal gift, I sent her a gift certificate for a free exam. Perhaps I can still play doctor with her after all.

Dr. R. Smith, OB-GYN

Learn more about this author, Bill Loucks.
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