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Unfortunately, in this day and age, infidelity is bound to slap at least 90% of marriages in the face at one point or another. Statistics also show that men are not the major offenders in this subject anymore, either. Women are having their fair share of flings outside of the marriage as well.

Oh, I know. I can hear you now, "This won't happen in my marriage! We are too close and we believe in an honest and open relationship." That is really great. Effective communication is the key to any successful relationship, however, you must dig your head out of the sand and face the reality. Your marriage, no matter how good it is, is not immune to the heartbreak of infidelity.

When a trust is broken due to an infidelity in a marriage, one must make a choice right off the bat; to forgive or not to forgive. Of course, often times, the extenuating circumstances of the breach of trust play a major role in that decision. Yet, the wounded spouse simply cannot dig their heels into the ground, placing blame and standing on a pedestal of purity. Sometimes, when the winds blow hard, in a relationship that is worth salvaging, one must learn to bend.

While, seeking marriage counseling to talk about the issue endlessly seems to be the popular choice these days, there must be a willingness to forgive first and foremost. Not just to speak the words of forgiveness or going through the motions. You must truly forgive. That is the key to surviving infidelities. A counselor cannot tell you how to do this. A counselor can only guide you through the feelings that led up to the infidelity and through the feelings of betrayal that come after such an event occurs. It is up to the wounded party to decide whether or not they will be able to forgive and let go, completely, or not.

Without total forgiveness, there isn't a counselor on the planet who can salvage a marriage that is broken due to infidelity. By carrying around the pain and the wrongful doing on behalf of the misbehaving partner, you are digging the wounds deeper for both parties. The partner who committed the act will know that the hurt partner has not forgiven them, no matter what their actions are or how many hours have been spent on a therapists couch. It will reign over the relationship like a beacon in the night. Without total forgiveness, the road to trust will never be rebuilt as a result. Where is a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, without trust? Without total forgiveness, there cannot be trust.

That has to be the hardest step to recovering from an infidelity within your marriage. It takes a very strong and centered person to forgive such a betrayal. Yet, if your marriage is worth it to you, you will find a way to cleanse your heart of the hurt and pain through total forgiveness, and it is only then that you will be able to repair the trust that now lies broken at your feet. Forgiveness is the key.

Learn more about this author, Mary Martir.
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