Saying No and Meaning It

There are probably a million reasons to say no to something. Maybe you don't like vanilla ice cream, or perhaps you just don't feel up to going to the mall today. Then there are times when you reluctantly say yes when you really mean no.

Before you say no, think through the decision. Why are you saying no? Also, look at how your answer might affect the people to whom you are turning down. Did your friend ask you to lunch when you had a headache? Were you washing dishes and didn't want to take a few minutes to play with your kids? Maybe your partner asked you to try a new activity, but you didn't think you would enjoy it.

Don't you hate saying yes to something when you wanted to say no and in the end had a great time? In that case, it was worth saying yes over being a prude and standing your ground. Not only did you make a great memory, you probably also made somebody you care about very happy. So, it's important to give careful consideration to saying no and knowing what you will resent later.

However, if you feel that will resent saying yes, you need to learn how to say no and not regret it. At first, it will be hard not to feel guilty, but taking a stand for yourself can be extremely empowering.

Here are a few tips to saying no and standing your ground:

1. Really mean no when you say it. Don't say it just to try to get talked into saying yes.

2. Use an authoritative voice when you say no. This lets the person you are talking to know that you are in charge of what you want to do.

3. Practice if you have a hard time saying no. Ask a friend to help you using a role play scenario. You can also do this by yourself. Just imagine the conversation in which you would say no and repeat it to yourself aloud.

4. Try to avoid confrontation. Asserting yourself is not about arguing, so calmly explain why you are saying no.

5. Try not to feel guilty. You have a right to say no if you do not want to do something or participate in something.

There is nothing wrong with saying yes if you really want to say yes. However, if you feel that you must say no, make sure that is what you really want to say. It is good to make other people happy, but there are also times when you must also give to yourself.

Learn more about this author, Sam O'Quinn.
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