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in her eyes I have no idea, but I couldn't risk it, and certainly he didn't need to be exposed to it. On multiple occasions, her arguments with me took precedence over our child. I even remember one occasion, near the end, where she was arguing with me and our son, who was only 5, was scared by her voice, and wanted to be comforted, and she complained how rude it was that he interrupted. I went to comfort him and she was furious and threatened to call 911 if I didn't finish the conversation. The grounds for calling 911? Mental abuse. Abuse of her, by my comforting our son instead of putting her first and continuing the argument.

So, living with a BPD is like being in an alternate universe. If you understand how they are perceiving things, it makes it easier to keep your sanity, but it doesn't make the situation easier you can just handle it that much more deftly. If children are involved, you have to get them out. You are not a saint for living with a BPD. You may be for trying, but ultimately you only go through life once. How you choose to spend it is up to you. Most BPDs make no effort to correct the situation. If they did, and you worked with them to help them get better, that'd be another thing, but if they insist on living in their BPD world, and you want to go along with it, don't expect any change. You're not helping them you're probably enabling them and you're not living your life either.

At my partner's core, there was a sweet person that I would see occasionally, but anger and distrust dominated her life. I loved the sweet person, but I only saw the sweet person rarely. The rest of the time I saw anger, distrust, accusations, double-standards, revisionist history, and more.

It is not easy. If you are in a relationship with a BPD, particularly a full-blown one, you're in for a ride. What you may not know is that you can get off the ride. Mine threatened basically a "scorched earth" policy if I left. I left anyway. There were repercussions, but ultimately she sunk herself in court. The sense of relief is great. If you're in it, and choose to be in it, at least for the moment, try to understand where she is coming from. You won't be able to "fix" her, but you might be able to preserve your sanity.

Final note although I refer to BPDs as "she", it does occur in males as well. If I recall correctly, 80% are female. Perhaps males are under-diagnosed. I have talked to friends in relationships with males who exhibit BPD behavior. Understand, too, that BPDs are at a much higher risk of suicide than "normal" people. Not unsurprising, given that lack of self-esteem is the underlying problem. Finally, since this all originates in childhood, it is very hard to "fix". There are no medications. Anti-depressants might help, but they are hard to prescribe because, again, that's an indicator that something might be wrong with the BPD. They might do more good for you than for her.

There are group therapy sessions for BPDs, but you need a BPD who wants to be helped and frankly, I'm not convinced that a BPD who wants help is truly a BPD. They may certainly have issues and need help, but BPDs I've known can't accept it because it becomes a judgment on them.

It is not a pretty situation.

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