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but to her, it was a statement of how little she thought I trusted her abilities.

Double standards this came up way more times that I care to remember. I won't even bring up examples, just that she thought I should act in a certain way usually favorable to her, because she deserved it and she should be excused from the same responsibility because of how hard everything was or how betrayed she was, or what sacrifices she had made, so the same rules didn't apply to her because she deserved an exemption.

The word "betrayal" brings up a series of memories too. As mentioned, everything is viewed in black and white. People were either with her or against her. Someone who didn't quite do what she wanted "betrayed" her, "kicked her when she was down", and so forth. In an odd way, it was reassuring for her, because it helped explain why things happened to her the way they did.

Out of 100 conversations, 99% of them were not real conversations. Maybe less than that. Maybe less than 1 in 1000. Rarely, very rarely, could I have a conversation where she looked at the situation and admitted something was wrong and her behavior was off. Those conversations were very few and far between. All the rest, when confronted with her behavior, were a series of explanations and excuses and justifications about why she was right and everyone else was wrong.

So, at her core, she knew on some level she had a problem and something was wrong. It was too painful to admit, though. The number of conversations where it could be honestly discussed could be counted on your fingers alone.

Ultimately, living with someone with BPD is a psychological hell. I learned to mentally detach, and refuse to get drawn into bizarre arguments, but even that made it worse my detachment meant (to her) that I was invalidating her feelings, and she got even more angry. Unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to sustain the level of anger that she does, nor any interest in spending my life fighting and arguing. We eventually split.

The danger is for children. If you are living with a BPD and there are children involved, get them out. This may not be easy it helps to document as much as you can and make arrangements to keep them safe if things come to a head. You may think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. As things escalated with my partner, she threatened harm to our child. I took him and left. I think in the long run she would not harm him, but in the heat of the moment, if it would make a point of how much I "hurt" her

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