People have different standards for what they consider to be a "real" friend. For some, a real friend may be that favorite guy or gal who they love to hang with just sharing a few laughs and enjoying each others company, never delving into any serious subjects nor touching on any major emotional intimacy. For others, like me for example, while they may have many friends who are fun and great to catch the latest flick with, they have very few who they consider to be real friends; in other words someone truly close to them. Personally, I've always lived by the mantra that "real" friends are few and far between and one of the greatest commodities a person can have.

So, I guess for me the question of how to tell if someone's a real friend comes down to and is intertwined with how you define "real" friend. My standards and expectations for "real" or good friendship are much higher than for mere friendship. The main difference being how much I feel I can trust you, and how much you're willing to trust me. I believe trust is the key to any close relationship, friendship or otherwise. It sounds like a terrible cliche I know, but if you think about it trust is a major component not only in maintaining good relationships, but perhaps more importantly in creating them. Those TV shrinks don't harp on it for no reason people! (Laugh) Seriously, I'm convinced it is the single biggest building block to closeness/emotional intimacy and therefore the best answer to the how to tell if someone's a real friend question'. Let me put it another way, for the many I may have confused, a "real" friendship begins, when either you or the other person decides they trust the relationship enough to open up and share more of themselves than they would with most people, and the other person responds, and this is key, not only by valuing that trust (in other words not laughing, pulling away in horror or telling everyone they know), but by reciprocating it and sharing more of themselves. The trick of course is finding those people who want and are capable of building, one baby step at a time, true trust between you. Like most of the best things in life, the "real" friend can be hard to come by, but if you're lucky enough to stumble across one please consider yourself truly blessed because good friends are a "real" treasure.

Learn more about this author, J.R. Flowers.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about How to tell if someone's a real friend?
We want to hear your view. Write now!