by Josh Wilde

Created on: January 26, 2008   Last Updated: February 04, 2008

Not too long ago, an Australian friend gave me a jar of Vegemite, which the manufacturer calls a "concentrated yeast extract" but which non-Australians describe in much less friendly terms.

I tasted it one time and after having my stomach pumped did a little research on its history:

1. In 1922, Vegemite was invented by a mad Australian scientist who was hoping to earn his place in a horror movie. Screen standards were not as low then as they are today and Hollywood instead went with Frankenstein, feeling that it was less frightening.

2. In 1927, Australia - which was then located off the coast of France - was ordered to move Down Under by the League of Nations. This was the result of fears that not only would Vegemite destroy European palates but that it would drive the cows in England mad.

3. In 1928, New Zealand formally protested Vegemite-laden Australia's new location in a parliamentary resolution which read, "Well, there goes the neighborhood!"

4. In the 1950's, Rolf Harris sung a heart-warming ballad titled, "Tie Me Kangeroo Down, Sport." Apparently, only when the 'roo was properly trussed could he be forced to swallow Vegemite.

5. In 1986, Australia's classic Shakespearian actor, Paul Hogan, was signed by his agent to do a Vegemite commercial. When Hogan learned that the script called for him to actually eat the stuff, he went underground, changed his name to "Crocodile Dundee" and escaped to America where he was granted political asylum. He spent the rest of his life in the Florida swamps fighting 'gators, which he explained was much more enjoyable than munching Vegemite sandwiches.

6. In 2003, Kraft - which produces both Vegemite and Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese - tried to pressure Delta Airlines into serving it in F/C on all domestic flights. The City of Brotherly Love (no, NOT San Francisco) was so incensed by Kraft's act of aviation terrorism that it immediately invited Southwest Airlines to fly into Philadelphia, ignoring the fact that the city is neither south nor west.

Today, of course, Vegemite is banned from all American flights as a possible terrorist weapon. "Possible"? Just take one taste of the stuff and I guarantee that you will be terrorized!

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