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As a society we learn to observe, to control our impulses, and to ask rather than demand when we need something from strangers or acquaintances. Asking rather than demanding is simple courtesy 101. People who are asked to do something rather than demanded to do it are naturally more apt to oblige. It's a natural human response to want to assist those who politely ask rather than demand. Asking always works better, regardless of the circumstance, than demanding. The same holds true in relationships whether it be the relationship between co-workers, employer and employee, parent and child, or husband and wife. How different would it make you feel if your boss asked you to have a report to him by 5 P.M. rather than demand that you do? Would you be more eager to oblige his request? When something is demanded of you doesn't it make you feel inferior, belittled and unappreciated as a human being?

Asking is simply a curiosity that shows respect and consideration for those with whom we have a relationship. Even in the simplest of circumstances asking can be much more beneficial than demanding. When you ask rather than demand you are showing your appreciation in advance. Demanding puts the other person on the defense and makes them feel as if there are being taken for granted.

"Honey, here iron my shirt." Your first reaction might be be, "Iron it yourself." However, with just an extra few words, "Honey could you please iron this shirt for me?" your reaction might then be, "Sure sweetie." By asking rather than demanding you let the other person know they are not your slave, that you don't take them for granted, and you appreciate their help.

A little appreciation can go along way in any relationship. One of the major complaints of many employees, spouses, and even students is that they feel their efforts go unnoticed and unappreciated. It is easy for employers to demand things be done. They seem to think their role as boss is to demand what they want. The same holds true in a marriage. Many marriages are still based on the assumption that certain task should be done by the man and certain task done by the woman. Even if this is the belief of those involved it still doesn't mean that common courtesy shouldn't be practiced.

Just because it's your job to do this or that doesn't mean that a thank you, or some show of appreciation isn't warranted.

Relationships with our children should not be left out of this mix either. If you ask a child to do something rather than demand they do it you make them feel like an individual instead of being part of a servant/master situation.

Asking instead of demanding is very effective in our society. Everyone deserves and likes to be shown respect. People like to feel they are on equal ground with those with whom they have a relationship. When you ask rather than demand the other person doesn't feel threaten or belittle and is much more cooperative and accepting of what ever your need might be.

Asking has its rewards. Even the bible says "Ask and you shall receive." The next time you have a need consider asking for what you want instead of demanding and see what reaction you get. You just may be surprise.

Learn more about this author, Debbie Seko.
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