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Humor: I am a perfect parent

How do you define a perfect parent? I suppose the definitions would change depending on who did the defining, but certainly a few characteristics are basic to all. For the purposes of this article, I will use myself as the perfect example of the perfect parent. Read on and you will see how easy it is to achieve perfection too.

*The perfect parent has a sense of humor and isn't afraid to laugh at him or her self.

I certainly fit this one, although at times, I wish others wouldn't laugh quite so hard at my foibles. Where I am most perfect in this area is in my speech. I open my mouth and things come out, they just don't come out the way I meant them to! My daughter has a notebook where she records my "momisms" for future laughter.

Of course, at times, nothing at all comes out, and I have to resort to motions with sound effects to communicate my wishes to the kids. You can imagine what happens when a mother asks her teen to empty the "thing", you know the [insert twisting motion]. Instead of emptying the washing machine, they usually mock me by joining in with my twisty dance or call their friends to tell what mom's done now.

*The perfect parent is creative.

My middle son is NOT a morning person. In fact, he's not even human till noon. If you've ever tried to wake up a hungry bear by poking it with a sharp stick, you can imagine what I faced every morning as I attempted to get this child to school before the ending bell.

Well, to show you how perfect I really am, I once came up with an idea. I didn't say it was a good one, just an idea. Anyway, when my son continued to snore away as the clock ticked for school time, I noticed my spray water bottle sitting on the ironing board. Hmm, I say to myself, I bet if I spray him with this, he'll get up and go to school.

I sneak up and squirt the heck out of him, and guess what? He actually got up! Then he ran to the bathroom, grabbed a squirt bottle of his own and the battle was on. In the end, we were both soaked and laughing, but my son was up, so I guess that was the perfect way to parent this child. Too bad I didn't do it more often.

*The perfect parent creates memories.

The above example is certainly a memory for my son, but creating memories was my forte. Of course, since I'm the perfect parent, they were all good ones. Holidays and birthdays are occasions that lend themselves well to memory-making, but the good parent will use the little moments as well. The dinner table, if you can gather everyone together, is a great place to create memories. Sometimes the memories will revolve around the food, but often it's the company or the conversation. The perfect parent will plan conversation topics or games to play at dinner time to engage the entire family and form memories and bonds for his or her family.

One memory maker was a contest between my family and another. We started coming up with new cannibal jokes. Each time one of us would come up with one, we would write it down or e-mail it. It all started with "Two cannibals were sitting around eating a clown. One turns to the other and says 'does this taste funny to you?'" and ended with over 200 made up cannibal jokes, some funny, some punny, and some just, well you know. Both families still have the list many years later, along with the memories.

OK, so I'm really not the perfect parent, but as my son (the hibernating bear) once told me, "You're the perfect mom for me!" A parent who does his or her best, is flexible and able to laugh will certainly achieve perfection, at least in the eyes of his or her own children.

240460_m Learn more about this author, Angela S. Young.
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