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My mother-in-law, was not a "maternal woman".. she was born during an era, where you were expected to marry young and have many children, that a career was really a part time job you had somewhere until you became pregnant!

We always said she was born 50 years to early, because she would have loved to have had a nursing career, and make the choices us woman have today.

Having said, that, she had a bad habit of letting her children know (she had 4 kids in 5 years) that being a mother was not her first choice, that if given the option, she would have not had any. Not something you want to keep telling your children!

She was "dragged" to Canada, by her husband's career, and hated every minute of it here. England was her home and she wanted to go back. Her husband had got tired of hearing this, and one day told her, that if she could get one of the kids to consider going back to England, then he would move back.

It was around this time, that I met their youngest son, Jeremy. We were both 17 years old at the time, and began dating.. his mother had convinced herself, that Jeremy, her youngest was the one that would go back to England with her, and he refused. He really didn't want to have much to do with her at all, he had become tired of hearing how he wasn't wanted. She blamed me for that, and always has. It comes up every so often, about how she was forced to stay here in Canada for a few more years because of me. It was because of me, that he refused to go back, and he joined the military here in Canada. Also my family, although from England also, were not from the "right parts".

I used to try and please her, get her to like me for years, and then I realized, that you can't. I firmly believe, that we control some of our own destiny, and if you choose to blame others for the cards your life was dealt, then that is your problem.

It took many years, but once I realized that I was never going to please her, and stopped trying, she actually got a bit nicer towards me. Maybe she liked that I felt guilty, maybe in her own twisted way, she liked that she was "getting to me". I decided that it took way too much energy to please everyone. All you can do, is be the best person you can be to yourself, and to the people around you, and if they don't like it, then its their loss.

I felt a lot lighter after coming to terms with it. I knew there was nothing I could do about it, and she started actually becoming friendlier, when I told her some of this in a "nice way" of course. Being a bitter, twisted old woman I think was scaring her, as people were get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.

So, be happy with who you are, be proud of yourself, and be polite, and be like a duck, and let the comments roll off your back, and after awhile, they will get bored of having no reactions from you, and when they realize, you are here to stay.. well being bitter can get old quick....

After 29 years of marriage, she actually wants me to call her by her first name!.. She said, she had been thinking about this for a few years now, as I have "earned" a place in the family... instead of calling her Mrs.... I should feel honored... NOT!

Learn more about this author, Diane Palmer.
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