by Stacia Elizabeth Whitbeck

Created on: January 25, 2008

Life. It happens and does what it wants to despite your fancy plans. Remember when you thought you were going to be a pirate when you grew up? Everyone you told just smiled and patted you on your head. They even encouraged it with an eye patch and a pair of grandpa's barn boots.

Your earliest memories are tainted with some of the biggest lies known to mankind. Every year until your fifteenth birthday (well, for me anyway) you await the arrival of a fat, old man, dressed in red velvet and white fluff. And he traveled by way of flying deer all the way from the south- pole, guided only by the glowing nose of his favorite deer, to deliver presents to you by jumping down a chimney. How magical. And what if you don't have a chimney, you asked? They told you that by way of secret Christmas magic, one formed. Out of the clear blue. And if you continued to ask questions, they told you that Santa would know you didn't believe in him, and would leave lumps of coal instead of presents.

Then you find out that Santa isn't real, and neither are pirates. The tooth fairy is a lie and the Easter bunny was just for fun. Deer can't fly and you can get grounded for two weeks for jumping down the chimney, one for jumping and the other for being on the roof. Somehow you make it through and grow up. You make big plans and follow your dreams. You're going to have a girl and a boy and live just outside the city in a nice, brick house with a big yard and a dog named d-o-g, because you're still young enough to think it's funny.

The next thing you know you're carrying your bachelor's degree in your back pocket so the grease from the burgers you're slinging doesn't stain it. You're shacked up in a trailer that isn't even tied down and you have four kids, none of which you brought into this world. You have to share the yard with Mrs. Chickenfat, who spends her day in a lawn chair chewing tobacco. You had to put the dog down for killing fourteen housecats and biting a car. You never even had a chance to name it.

And then one day, you meet the love of your life, and everything changes. You see that nothing stays the same forever and life is full of surprises. You see that even the best made plans can go awry. You grab your patch and grandpa's boots and carry on.

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