37 of 40

Write now Article Tools

Page 2 of 2

I remember one chapter of our textbook in particular because my smug little 23 year old self thought, "HA! What do they know? R and I don't share any of those things and we're going to be together forever. Love conquers all!" The chapter that ended up wiping that smug little look off my face was titled: "What Factors Make a Successful Marriage?"

In a nutshell, couples who succeed have similarities in socioeconomic backgrounds, religion, and are close in age.

R and I were different in all areas: He was upper-middle class, I'm working class; R is a New Age guy and I'm a skeptic; I was 21 when we met, he was 33. We didn't 'get' each other. Most of our fights started when we'd try to explain why we held the view we did on an issue.

For those "potential long-termers", look at those things and take them seriously. (Learn from the mistakes of your elders! That's what we're here for!) I've seen relationships like that work, so I won't make a Doomed call, but look at those issues in terms of your own unique dynamic-if you're fighting a lot over the small stuff, then it's a big sign that True Love might not be enough.

So, how do you know who has long-term potential? If True Love can't even be counted on, what can?

I met this guy during my separation from R and everything on the surface told me to run, and run FAST from this guy. He had tattoos and cussed too much and my friends thought he was an enormous step down from the beloved-almost-gone R. To top it off, at 26 he'd spent 13 years stoned more often than sober and had only been off drugs for about a month. I couldn't run away, though.

But when we talked at length the first time, I knew without a doubt that we'd be friends for life. I knew that I could hang out with this guy and be comfortable. I knew he would add to my life and that I could add to his. At the time, I didn't even think we'd end up as a couple but I knew I wanted someone like him. Seventeen years later and I still can't predict the romantic outcome. Who knows? We're both in midlife crisis mode. But I can still say, without hesitation, that we'll always be best friends. In fact, my prediction has only deepened as we've held each other through life. Relationships go through ups and downs (and all-arounds)-sometimes you're completely and utterly in love and sometimes you're just roomies. But it's better, at least is has been for me, to do it with a friend.

So date the guy that give you flutters. Don't take the fun ones seriously. Remember that True Love doesn't always equal Healthy Relationship and invest your time in your best friend.

Learn more about this author, Maria Bray.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

• << previous page
• 1
• 2

Add your voice

Know something about What qualifies a man as dating potential??
We want to hear your view. Write now!