by Maria Bray

Created on: January 25, 2008

You're young and single (or perhaps not so young and single again) and you meet a guy that makes your stomach do backflips. How can you tell whether you want to date him?

Silly Girlfriend! Your stomach did backflips, right? Well, that's your cue. He's got potential. You don't need me for this.

It only gets tricky when one starts mixing up two different types of men to date-there are guys we date because they're a blast to be with (and they make our stomachs do that whole backflip thing) and there are guys we date because we think they'd be good partners in life (and they sometimes make our stomachs do flips...but sometimes they just sort of grow on us). This one you might need me for.

When I look back at my relationships, hindsight being the all-seeing thing that it is, I would have saved myself a lot of grief if I could have had a blast with the fun, but not long-term guys and not taken those guys so seriously and thought my fluttery stomach meant True Love.

I could have saved myself 5 years of grief with the wrong guy-complete with divorce-had I known what makes a good 'long-term partner'.

The fun guys are, well, a lot of fun. If they don't give a signal that they are only there to enjoy a short stretch of time with before the first date, they do within a date or two. They are usually flaky and are the type that cancel dates at the last minute or don't call when they say they will. Or, like one of my all-time favorites, they are just eternal party boys. Those are your cues that they aren't to be taken seriously. Enjoy them for what they are-nice companions for dinner (or whatever you enjoy together) and that's it. Hey, they might be perfect for someone somewhere along the line but they're doing everything except say outright: "I am not that into you. I just want a little fun..." Don't make the mistake of turning it into more than that. It ruins the fun. A fluttery stomach does not signal true love. It signals "interest", ok?

On a different note, I wish someone had told me that True Love doesn't always mean Destiny.

I found True Love with my first husband, R. Having bought into the notion that relationships take "work", I spent 5 years working hard on things. I loved this guy and wanted it to work.

For every day that we got along and had fun, there were 10 days where R and I were fighting. And I thought it was normal-these things take work, right?

Well, not exactly.

R and I had lived together 2 years when I enrolled in "Marriage and the Family" at the local junior college.

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>