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Parenting post separation/divorce does not have to be traumatic.

Unfortunately, I have seen this from every angle.

I watched my parents do it.
I've watched my husband do it.
I've done it myself.

Though I haven't been perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I have learned some important do's and don'ts. These apply only to those situations where neither of the parents has in any way abused the children.

*DON'T treat your child like a piece of furniture to be fought over.

They deserve so much better. Just because you say that you're keeping their best interest in mind does not mean that you're really doing so. Dig deep. Is what you're doing REALLY for the child or is it for you?

No matter whose fault the divorce, no matter who left whom, no matter who did what wrong, this has nothing to do with the child. Wrongs done in a marriage are not bargaining factors on who gets to spend time with the child. Both parents should have a fair opportunity to spend as much time as possible with their child.

All special events and holidays should be shared, even Christmas morning. If both parents desire to experience waking up on Christmas with their children, then you'll need to share a house for the evening or take turns. Unless one of the parents makes the child feel guilty for being at the other parent's house, the children will naturally want to share this time.

It's not about you and what you want. It's about your children.

*DO Communicate often.

If you're the parent who has the children most of the time, it's your job to communicate everything you know about the children to the other parent. If you can't make yourself pick up the phone and call, the US Postal Service is still in business. Try E-mail or voice mail. If you want to do the right thing, you'll find a way.

For years my ex-husband and I have talked by phone two to three times a week. We have three children who have a lot going on. There is a lot to cover. Just because they live with me does not make even the smallest details of their lives unimportant to their dad.

You have to share everything. School reports. Calls from teachers and coaches. Practice and game schedules. Information about relationships they are developing with friends. Medical information, even if it's just that the child has a cold. Discipline information.

You should also share those things that the child makes at school. The custodial parent is not the only one who wants to be proud of an art project. This same is true for things such as school pictures.

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