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Have you ever had crockery thrown at your head? Or been called into the managers office for a negative remark that was overheard by the director? Or fallen out with a friend because they wanted something you didn't? Unfortunately, these situations are all too common. So why do people persist in holding onto their frustrations, and damaging relationships, when these issues could be easily resolved?

As humans our instincts incline towards exhibiting two types of behavior when itcomes to resolving differences. A passive person bottles up their frustration and annoyance and goes along with the other person's wishes. The cause of the problem then festers away until they either explode and all the grievances come flooding out,or they resent the cause of all their problems and the relationship suffers.

A more aggressive person might vent their rage immediately, adamant their agenda is the best and that the other person should see their point of view. This behavior can cause resentment and an atmosphere develops. If not dealt with, in a calm manner,this will also destroy a relationship eventually.

Considering these stereotypes, it becomes obvious that we have to overcome our instincts and air our grievances in order to resolve issues within relationships. This can be through having a flaming row but it is probably better to discuss matters calmly. Have you ever heard people say they love a good row, that it 'clears the air'? The question is; does it?

For the aggressive person this may give them the chance to vent their rage, diffuse their anger and give them the impression the issue has been resolved. But what if the person on the receiving end is the passive type?

The passive type of person is likely to feel intimidated by somebody who rages at them. They are inclined to think it would be best if they just kept quiet and coped with the situation. Arguments can make them feel uncomfortable, distraught and tense. In short, this can become a difference that, itself, needs resolving.

So we come to the other method of resolving differences, talking about them and coming to an agreement or, if necessary, agreeing to disagree. This is the adult way of dealing with issues. Staying calm and raising small problems, that could become severe if left unresolved, will prevent all the disastrous consequences of the alternative behaviors.

The key to good relationships is communication; discussing likes, dislikes and attitudes from the very beginning. So next time you find that you are getting into rough waters with your partner, friend or colleague, open up, tell them how you are feeling. It could make all the difference and create a stronger relationship rather than a broken one.

Learn more about this author, Tim O'Dell.
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