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A label is something which sticks! How many people do you hear talking about someone who say ' He's mean', or ' watch her, she's a bitch!' and no matter how hard you try to say to yourself , ' I will make my own mind up when I meet them', it is nigh on impossible to forget these simple labels that people attach to others. I have lots of friends I like that people have told me are 'eccentric,quirky,egotistical, arrogant' and other terms I will not repeat and I do find myself looking for these traits, especially if I am annoyed with them. So, labeling can be dangerous in adults but it is far more dangerous for a child.

A child can pick up labels from all sorts of places and the labels can be different. A teenager can be 'sulky' at home, ' charming' at the youth club, ' disinterested' at school or 'a real nutter' to his friends.
Most labels do little harm but merely prepare others for a certain set of behavior. I am probably called 'daft, reliable, maddening, stupid, sensible, maternal or a sexy' depending who you speak to and none of these are going to do me much damage (the last one might do me a power of good.)

However, negative labels attached to children can be very damaging and we must be careful not to do this.If you label a child as a bully they will behave accordingly. Children are incredibly perceptive about how others see them, after all they are just starting to learn about self image and projecting their character.
If people tell a child they are naughty, they will also label themselves naughty. An awful example is when a new child joined our play group and was asked to tell us a little bit about himself. ' I am naughty, I hurt people and tell lies!' was his reply. Not the best start to forming new friendships and had anybody realized, we would have quickly put him right.
He did not see a new group as a new beginning but rather one where his self image would be perpetuated.
Children who are told they are 'wonderful, interesting, good, caring and loving' will do their best to live up to this incredibly positive image. If they are told they are 'a problem, a pain, difficult and bad' they will also live up to this image.
It can be hard when faced with a child who is, let's be honest, 'difficult, challenging, spoilt, rough and even smelly' to give them positive labels to replace those but we must try if we are not to create a whole generation of children with negative images of themselves and a negative code of behavior to go with it.
Always look for the positive, no matter how small and tell the child they are ' interesting, kind, nice, chatty, a pleasure to have' and so on (even if they are not always) and they will get from you a positive feedback for those characteristics which we value and will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives.
Take bad labels off and place positive ones very firmly over the top.

Learn more about this author, Sammy Stein.
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