by Trenna Sue Hiler

Created on: January 24, 2008

Bringing a child into the world is a huge responsibility that never really leaves you. Even when the child reaches adulthood there are still ties. So what would motivate someone to take on such a huge job? There are many motivations, and some of them are just wrong. Let's explore some of the backward thinking that may cause someone to have children for the wrong reason.

* This will certainly save my marriage or cement my relationship *

If your relationship is on shaky ground be assured bringing a child that needs 24-hour care into the mix does not help you focus on a relationship between you and your significant other. Be realistic. An infant doesn't sleep through the night, and so neither does you. Although you hear it and think you understand, after about one week of interrupted sleep its real. Your need for sleep screams out in ways that may shock you. You may even take it out on your partner and that doesn't help a relationship. Please don't bring more stress and responsibility to an already tense situation. My grandmother, brutally honest, would say "Don't you be bringin' a baby into a sinking ship."

* Parent's screaming "I want a grandchild." *

Their enthusiasm and excitement are probably filled with good intentions. However, it's still no reason for you to have a child.

If the requests of family become a problem have a frank and honest conversation. Review with them the financial, physical, and emotional commitment becoming a parent takes. This lets them know that you have looked into the possibility and you are making a good an informed decision. Express your concern that they are putting stress on you and that will only delay a healthy family.

If that doesn't work you can always toss a couple of cliches at them like "Good things come to those who wait." "Patience is a virtue." "Keep your eye on your own crop."

* There is a hole in my heart *

A baby doesn't make you a complete person. To be a good parent you want to be complete before they arrive. You will be making wonderful sacrifices for a new individual. You are giving them a life, not fulfilling yours. Usually both can happen if your focus in on your child's best needs.

* The biological clock it ticking *

This is a consideration in the decision to have a child, not the reason to have the child. This alone is not a sound basis for the decision.

All this being said, having a child is one of the most wonderful joys that can come to a couple, prepare and enjoy. The responsibilities are great and so are the rewards. Start your family for all the right reasons and you will never regret your decision.

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