When it comes to wedding gift registries, the rules of etiquette are clear. Unfortunately, experts like Miss Manners are still constantly swamped with registry questions from well-meaning but misguided people.

Plenty of engaged couples have deluded themselves into greedy beliefs about weddings being a chance to troll for gifts from their acquaintances. Other well-meaning couples conform to what they believe are acceptable wedding customs, when in fact some of these practices make them appear superficial and needy. At the heart of these transgressions against the clear rules of etiquette are gift registries.

Registry Abuse

Couples have used registries to try to goad their guests not only to bring gifts but also to pay for the honeymoon or even the cost of the wedding. The dangerous message this sends to guests is that their invitation is not enough to make them worthy of celebrating with the couple on the big day; no, these "guests" must pay their way in, perhaps to help offset the cost of hosting them for an evening. Even registries for donations to charities smack of tackiness, because they reveal that the couple feels entitled to obligate their guests.

Correct Usage

Gift registries get abused far too often, but there is actually nothing inherently rude about registering for wedding gifts; it's what you do with that registry that can wreak havoc on the rules of etiquette if you aren't careful. Registries can actually be rather useful, if handled properly. A registry can help guests who want to take some of the guesswork out of gift selection. Distant relatives or attendees who don't know the couple very well can at least have some guidance as to the couple's taste and needs. And the practice of building the registry can help the couple get organized and get a sense for each other's preferences and style.

However, under no circumstances should registry information be included in the wedding invitation. Plenty of stores and registry attendants might try to convince you otherwise, and some even go so far as to have small, business card sized notes with the store's logo on them intended for the invitation envelopes. These cards can promptly go into the recycling bin.

That said, there may be one place where registry info is acceptable to send to invitees: in their shower invitations. A bridal shower's main purpose is to "shower" the bride with gifts. It is an optional event that might be held if a non-relative graciously offers to throw one, and people

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