by Tina Pollard

Created on: January 24, 2008

Having three teenagers (19, 17, 15), I've learned the hard way about choosing my battles. As I've won a few and lost a few I've come away with a bit of knowledge. I've also preserved my sanity by learning what's not worth fighting over. Before engaging in a battle, I try to think, "Will this make a difference in five years?" For most things, it will not make a difference.

If I find that I must relent on an issue, I typically lay down a couple of ground rules. After all, I'm still the mom.

(1) Clothing choices
This has had the potential to be a battle for years. I refuse to engage. The simple fact of the matter is that I have no appreciation for what they call "style". My biggest battles over this issue were fought with my oldest son. I didn't know then that I was going to lose miserably and so I fought hard. He won. That's ok. He's now almost twenty years old, he buys his own clothes and he dresses better than any of us. Maybe he just needed to get the "grunge" out of his system.

Rules:
*If it falls off when you walk, put on a belt or don't wear it.
*If I can see your under garments (boxers, bra, etc.), you can't wear it.
*If it says something I don't like, you can't wear it.
*If it stinks, seriously, put it in the laundry. I don't care how cool it looks on you. You can part with it for a day.

(2) Hair Styles

Until about the age of 10 my children looked adorable with their cute little hair cuts (except for when I tried to cut it. Not good). Once they started expressing an opinion about their own hair, I let them do what they wished, with a few exceptions, of course.

Rules:
*If I can't see your eyes, you better tie it back or it's getting cut.
*If you can't keep it clean, then it's coming off your head.
*If you must color your hair, choose a natural hair color. You're not a peacock.
*If you grow up and hate your hair in school pictures, don't come crying to me.

(3) Tattoos / Body Piercings

Oh this is one of my favorites. I'm a strong advocate of not making permanent decisions about altering your body until you are old enough to live with your choices. The only exception I ever made was ear piercing. Once my children expressed an interest in having their ears pierced, I allowed it. The boys maintained an interest in their cool new earring for about a month. My daughter still wears earrings.

Rules:
*When you're eighteen, get a tattoo if you want. (My oldest son had an arm band tattoo put on the very day he turned 18. He has since added a cross on his back, "Jesus Saves" on his wrist,

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