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Humor: I am a perfect parent

Oh! yes, I am the perfect parent, and I am reminded of this every time my daughter says, "Mommy, you're mean!" Of course that is after I tell her that she can not have chocolate milk and cereal for dinner. Plus, my children always listen to me when I tell them not to do something or to be quiet while I am on the phone, their screaming proves how quiet they are. Why else would they listen? If not because my perfection has rubbed off on them.


I am also reminded of my perfection when my child tells me that she wants to go live with grandma, because she has much more fun over there.

I always make sure the kids go to bed at a decent time, usually between 9:45pm and oh, somewhere around midnight. And we are alway up in plenty of time to get to school, that's why Lexy usually has 10 whole minutes to get in and get breakfast before the bell rings. We never run late! I am always on time to pick Lexy up from school, she never has to wait for me, well, no longer that 5 or 10 minutes anyway.

Then there is my youngest child, Wyatt. He is the real living proof that I am the perfect parent. I have taught him all about being sanitary. That is why, if he only has his diaper on, he likes to stick his hand down his diaper and play with his poo. This is how he likes to wake me up. He sits there saying, "Bama, Bama, EEEWW!", of course after that he sticks his fingers in his mouth and says, "MMMMM". So, now I try to keep a button in the croch onsie on him at all times, just as a precaution.

Now we have the clothes. I always have my kids dressed in the latest Wal-Mart or "Hand-me-Down" apparel. It is quite the rave! At least my kids think so, as long as it is something they have never seen before. Then we buy the top dollar, clearance, shoes and accessories. And there is alway the extravagant Dollar General and Dollar Store outfits that are really a great bargain.

So yes, I am the perfect parent. As is every other parent out there who actually takes care of their children to the best of their ability. In our children's eyes we are perfect. They may think that we are mean sometimes, but that does not change the fact that they do love us no matter what. Well, until they hit their teenage years and decide that they are smarter than we are.

Learn more about this author, Gretchen Parent.
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