by Lauren Beyenhof

Created on: January 23, 2008

When it comes to finding a suitable marriage partner, finding "the One" is equally as important as being "the One." Dating should be used as a time of careful consideration and judicious evaluation of a person's character, personality, and behavior.

Character:

Character generally refers to a person's reputation. When you mention your potential spouse's name to other people, do they think of positive things to associate with that person? Is your partner someone you are confident will step up and handle serious situations without backing down? Will he or she stand in the gap for those who may be disadvantaged or disenfranchised? Can you trust him or her to make big decisions about your future that will not cause your harm or anxiety?

Personality:

Anyone can be fun and amusing for at least a little while. Once you and your partner have moved beyond the infatuation phase, do you find common ground between you? The old adage "opposites attract" does not always hold true. Instead of spending your life with someone who is your opposite, find someone who is your complementsomeone who makes you complete by taking the best parts of your personality and enhancing them for the better.

Beware of committing your life to someone whose personality is volatile or unstable. Unsuitable marriage partners are people who are self-centered, narcissistic, socially stunted, or flat out psychotic. A good way to know if your personalities are a match is to take a personality test, perhaps under the direction of a licensed psychologist. The Keirsey Temperament Sorter is a personality test that will tell you a lot about how your potential spouse view the world around him or her.

Behavior:

Behavior is how a person's character and personality come together. Behavior should be appropriate for your partner's age and life situation. For example, if he's 34 and is entrenched in online gaming, he's not suitable dating material, let alone marriage material. If she's pouty and manipulative, or demanding of your time while you're dating, chances are she'll be even more so once you're married.

Undesirable behavior in a potential spouse includes:

Abusiveness (physical or otherwise)
Inability to plan ahead
Unwise with money or other resources
Disrespecting of a person's friends and family
Addictive tendencies (gambling, drugs, porn, online gaming)
Immature responses to situations

Observing these things takes time, and should not be rushed. A wise person once said that the eyes should be wide open before marriage, and half closed thereafter. If at any point in the dating relationship you discover certain things about your partner that you simply cannot abide, it's time to end it. A broken engagement is far better than a broken marriage; with such a high rate of divorce in the United States, it's only reasonable that a person should approach the matter of marriage with a great deal of wisdom and discernment.

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