by JC Campbell

Created on: January 23, 2008

Dictionary definition of the word parent : One who begets, nurtures and raises a child.

Children's definition of the word parent : Cash machine.

Children and teenagers are a strange breed of creature, angelic little darlings who seem to have the ability to empty your wallet just by their existence. Without them though, we would never enjoy the prospect of becoming the perfect parents, a privilege we should never take for granted.

It always helps when the children do their part to assist you in reaching the pinnacle as a perfect parent.
Fighting with their siblings, refusing to clean their rooms, leaving dinner dishes under the couch and lying too long in bed in an effort to miss school are all part of their contribution.

They are especially helpful by demanding the best and most expensive, brand name clothes and shoes they can get their hands on, allowing us to showcase our expertise as the parents of the century.

The true perfect parent accepts that he or she only exists for the sole purpose of pandering to their offspring, doing so if necessary, for twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, and possibly for twenty years or more. What other possible reason could there be for our being alive here on earth?

Perfection of course, is relative. As parents we are prone to make the odd mistake through sleep deprivation, bouts of selfishness or mental aberrations. Sometimes we blunder by responding in a disciplinarian manner to our children's natural right to speak to us in any fashion they like.
It's unforgivable on our part to answer back when our children call us idiots, or worse still, to demand that they perform a chore around the house.

The perfect parent will never, ever, expose their darling children to the dangerous world of dish washing, bed-making or the life threatening occupation of taking out the trash.
Such irresponsible parental behavior may be considered as an unacceptable level of abuse that could scar our progeny for life. The real danger is that we could inadvertently train our children to abuse their future children in the same way, by demanding they carry out household chores.

Reaching the giddy heights as the perfect parent is an honor and a privilege. We rejoice to know that we have fulfilled our one and only purpose in life, that is, to bring pleasure to our wonderful children.

To maintain our standing as the perfect parent requires that we simply follow through on the fundamentals :
Give them all the money the want, make sure they wear only the most expensive garb, keep them well supplied with all the electronic gadgets they need for survival, wait on them hand and foot and always, always, let them do what they want.
You can be sure your offspring will love you for it.

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