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A twenty-one year old baby should be well past the stage where they need close parental guidance and care, whether they live at home or not.
Oblivious to the passage of time, some parents have difficulty in resisting the urge to parent their adult children.

Having reached adulthood, your children naturally desire a level of independence, even if they still live under your roof. For a the past few years, since they reached the teenage years, they have most likely been making decisions for themselves in a number of ways.

Choosing the clothes they wear, the friends they associate with and the recreation they prefer are all part of the metamorphosis from childhood to adulthood.

The older your children get, the more independent they become. Eventually, they may fly the nest and set up home for themselves with a marriage mate.
Even under these circumstances, some parents have trouble letting go and with the best of motives, continue to perceive themselves as parental caregivers, possibly to the annoyance of their adult child's new partner in life.

TIPS

1. Identify clearly the line between concern and meddling. Adult children will appreciate help and advice in times of trouble, but in the everyday affairs of life, they will want to live their own lives.

2. Accept that your role as parent has changed. From being caretaker you are now an adviser. Your adult children will be more likely to seek your advice if they see you have no desire to interfere.

3. Avoid the urge to continually make suggestions. This could alienate your new son or daughter-in-law. Trying to tell them how they should decorate their home or what your new daughter-in-law should cook will not be appreciated.

4. Don't try to control your adult child's life choices on money matters or child-bearing. Important issues like these need to be left to those who will be most affected by them.

Difficult as it may be, wise parents will allow their grown-up children the freedom the want and need. This does not preclude being available when they need help or advice, but they now need to be in control of their own lives, making their own decisions.

Learn more about this author, JC Campbell.
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