by Wispen Lee

Created on: January 23, 2008

"You are a bad and wicked child" said my grandmother, as she caught me rifling in her storeroom and messing up her old clothes. I stood there, contrite and confused, thinking that the sin that I had committed was so great that surely it was as she said, I was a bad and wicked child.

We don't mean it all the time, but when we label children, be it positive or negative labels, children take it to be the holy truth about themselves, and thus begin to view themselves in that way. Oh, you may think, the dangers should only arise when I label my child negatively, I mean, what could go wrong with labeling my child, "The music prodigy" when everyone knows my child is pretty talented at music. But the issue at hand is not whether you call your child bad names or not, its all about creating a mold for your child and trying to fit your child into that mold, be it a positive one or not.

The dangers that arise from labeling a child negatively are evident. When we tell a child that he is "a bad and wicked child", he takes it as that. We often don't consciously think about the influence that we have on the way children think, but because they view us as authority figures, walking encyclopedias who answer all their whys and hows, when we tell them something, they believe it. These children go through their daily lives, seemingly unaffected by what we said in anger, but inside, they are wondering if they really are bad and wicked. Eventually, they might choose to do something naughty when tempted, because they believe that people, who they respect, like their parents, believe them to be wicked and naughty already.

Children don't often have strong senses of self-awareness, and when you label them as something, they often believe that about themselves. Negative labels may lead the child to resent parents and teacher, and ultimately seek out company that also fits that label, or do negative acts in the mindset that, "Gee, they think I'm bad already, what is the point of being good for them, its not like they care.". The danger in negative labeling is clear, but what about positive labeling?

It may not seem true, but positive labels applied on by proud parents have a different, but likewise dangerous effect. Since young, teachers have been cooing in delight over me, calling me smart and precocious. While at the start, it felt like a good thing, feeding my self esteem and making me work hard to live up to that title, as work began to get harder and doing well wasn't something I could maintain all the time, the label began to get to me. I began to fear the title "smart" and "gifted" because I felt I couldn't live up to it. I discovered that there were many people out there who clearly were smarter than me, and thus believed that I was letting my parents and my teachers down.

Intelligent or talented children often already have competitive spirits and high expectations for themselves. They are aware that they are gifted in that special niche area and thus expect things from themselves. When parents or teachers apply labels to them, such as "Prodigy" or "Gifted", they find themselves having to live up to expectations that they may not be equipped to handle. These children then end up stressed and depressed, believing that they are failures when in truth, their grades are still clearly above the national average.

Labeling should never be done to a child, because it creates a mold that the child may feel forced into. No child is able to live up to unreal expectations, and while helping your child set goals to achieve is good for your child, it is always best to reassure your child that their self-worth does not depend on how well they fit into labels, and that your love for them is not based on how well they do.

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