by Marilyn Lindblad

Created on: January 23, 2008

"Knowing there's a whole pie in the window when all you get is a tiny slice makes you think that's all you're worth."

This line, from the book If You've Ever Loved A Married Man, By One Who Did, sums up the feelings of women everywhere who fall in love with married men.

Little is known about these relationships since they are, by nature, secretive. However, a few persistent researchers have pierced the veil of secrecy. Their findings provide a surprising look at infidelity.

HOW DOES IT START?

Many cheating couples meet online. The Internet is anonymous and addictive, and researchers believe most chat room users have more than one "special" friend online.

Like real-life affairs, online relationships usually start with flirtation and quickly progress to cybersex. In This Is An Internet E-Mergency, the Fortino Group estimated that online affairs cause one-third of all divorce litigation.

The percentage of couples having affairs who met each other online is minuscule, however, when compared to the percentage of couples having affairs who met each other in the workplace. The number one place where married men meet the women they have affairs with is in the workplace.

Co-workers have a lot in common and spend a lot of time together. Close relationships seem to form naturally when men and women at work think their co-workers understand them better than their spouses do. Instead of taking responsibility for the relationship, these couples rationalize their infidelity with remarks like, "We didn't ask for this to happen," and "Everything happens for a reason."

WHY DO THEY STAY?

Why do smart, pretty women stay in these dead-end relationships? Some women hope their man will leave his wife and marry them - and it does happen to a few.

As anyone who reads tabloid news knows, it happened to Judith Nathan, now known as Judith Giuliani, wife of the former Mayor of New York and current Republican presidential candidate. Ms. Giuliani reportedly met the then-mayor while he was still very much married to third wife Donna Hanover.

Other women love the thrill of feeling desired and being involved in a romantic relationship. These women have usually been single for awhile, and they don't see the harm in having a fling while they wait for Mr. Right to come along.

HOW LONG DO THEY LAST?

The Washington Post reports these statistics about how long extramarital affairs last:

10%................one day
10%................two days to one month
50%................more than one month, but less than one year
30%................two

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