by Veronica Bright

Created on: January 23, 2008

Striking a balance between being authoritative and loving, is many times often a matter of tone. I have three children ranging in age from 28 down to 14. Humor has been my safety net. Actually, authoritative and loving are not opposite ends of the spectrum. Let's look at the definitions as supplied by Encarta;

Authoritative: Reliable; backed by authority; showing authority.

Loving: Showing affection; done with careful attention.

Hmmm, yes, that's do-able. Now remember we are talking about parenting here, not careers as Drill Instructors. You can maintain your authority, and be a loving parent. One example I can give on using humor yet maintaining boundaries is a very short conversation between my teenager and me;

"Mom, can I use my lunch money to go to McDonalds?"
"Sure, honey, and I'll use your college money to buy a new car!"

End of discussion, point taken, authority maintained, and my teenager laughed. Too often we take authority as being synonymous with the word "stern." We also confuse being loving, with being lenient.

I have to admit that with each child born, I gave up a little authority, which of course, left me with a spoiled youngest child. Regaining authority is much more difficult than maintaining it. Even if this is the case, it can still be done lovingly. As earlier stated, my balance was found in humor.

By being authoritative, you are stating that no, means no. You are also conveying; Do it because I told you to do it, and I am the parent. That can be done easily in a loving way. If and when your child disobeys, (children tend to do that) administer the consequence, stick to it, and move on. Done and done. Too often there is lingering anger over misbehavior. Keep the anger or disappointment of your child's misbehavior within the confines of the situation. Try to find something to praise them for that day as well.

Everyone has different parenting styles, and no one style works for everyone. I happen to depend on humor, a lot! Whatever you use, be certain that you can maintain authority and be a loving parent.

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