I avoid my full-length mirror. In the past few years, it has become my enemy. Since it's on one side of a spin-around shelving unit in our bathroom, I make sure to spin it out of sight before I walk past it in the morning. If I forget, there I am, face to face with the not-so-flattering image of a middle-aged body.

Although I have every reason to believe my body's gone to pot without any help from advertising, and I feel like I have a legitimate case against nature, I don't think advertising has helped most of us feel good about what we see in the mirror. The network channels are the culprits here. I avoid those, too, and stick with cable news channels to escape the business of youth and beauty. But even cable news channels advertise youthful body images - they're just a little more sneaky about it.

There are the auto commercials. The thin, young, beautiful people drive the beautiful cars, or they're sitting in the back seat of luxury cars, pushing buttons on GPS systems and talking on cell phones. There are the cell phone commercials that show youthful, slim bodies - talking on cell phones. Then there are the vacation destination commercials that spotlight tall, slim, tanned bodies. They're not talking on cell phones, but they're lying on the beach avoiding their cell phones. And these are just the cable news channel commercials.

But the network channels are the ones who really abuse us consumers with their advertising of products that will make us appear younger. Our hair should shine and there shouldn't be any gray, our teeth should be blindingly white, and our skin should be wrinkle free. We're 60! We're supposed to be aging. There's no shampoo on the market that's going to make my hair long, thick, and shiny. No, I'm not going to have that mane of glossy hair, and I'm going to have to tolerate the mouse hair I've been trying to get used to.

Then, of course, there are the weight-loss products - programs and systems - because we don't want those extra pounds that might keep us off the beaches on the cable channel commercials. And jeans commercials? The advertising here isn't targeted at middle-aged people unless they're Sally Field. She's advertising Boniva, but you have to notice the jeans. Why aren't we all that slim and young-looking? If we work out, will we be that youthful and slim? How about if we take Boniva once a month?

Yes, we've been suckered in by advertising and we feel lousy about ourselves sometimes. We're old, wrinkled, overweight, out of shape, with stained teeth and dull, graying, thinning hair. To make matters worse, we're not driving a luxury car, we have no GPS system, and our cell phone is going to be outdated soon. We're just not one of those beautiful people. To get that way, we're going to have to buy a lot of these miracle products.

Baloney, I say. Advertising is a string of fallacies when it comes to ads that promote youth and beauty. I'm satisfied to be the short, overweight, grandmotherly type with some "fine lines and wrinkles." My hair will be short, and I'll be happy to remember when it used to shine. I'll stick with driving my unpretentious little car without the bells and whistles, and I won't be riding in the back seat. I AM willing to use my Crest White Strips in hopes of brightening my smile - my well-meaning hubby gave me some for Christmas.

I'll wear jeans, but they might have some elastic somewhere in the waist. Or if I'm just going to be at home, I might wear my comfy sweatpants for a whole day! I don't think a newer cell phone will make me look much younger, so I'll keep the one I have. And I'll be fine. I'll keep spinning that mirror around each day until my teeth sparkle - should be about one more week.

Learn more about this author, Arabella Kelly.
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