by Dharmacharya Gurudas Sunyatananda

Created on: January 23, 2008

Walking the grounds of the abbey, established back in 1893, I was reminded of an ancient Buddhist koan, which says: "Each crackling leaf beneath your feet is a personal invitation to come to your senses." Mindfulness, compassion and emptiness have been the singular focus of my consecrated religious life, and it did indeed feel as though each crackling leaf beneath my sandal-clad feet was inviting me deeper into the stillness and quiet of the interior life.

After twenty-four years of serving the Church as a Third Order Regular Franciscan, I began to make a transition, back in July of 2005, toward a life as a Conventual Franciscan contemplative. The word Conventualis was used by Pope Innocent IV to describe Franciscan communities in which the friars would live according to a way of life that was more closely resemblant of the monastics and hermits of our older Benedictine brothers. The Roman Conventuals enjoy the privilege of guarding the tomb of St. Francis at Assisi and that of St. Anthony at Padua.

In October 2006, on our patronal feast and the anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood, I assumed the holy habit of the Conventual Franciscans, and a conventual expression will formally be added to the Servant Franciscans of the Immaculata.

While the term monk formally applies only to Benedictines (including Cistercians and Carthusians) and to Buddhist renunciates, it will be in the simple spirit of monasticism that I will live out the remaining years of my life, integrating the simplicity of Buddhist philosophy with the Eucharistic focus of Franciscan spirituality, and interpreted through the lens of St. Romuald's Brief Rule for the Camaldolese monks.

My way of life will be inspired by the life of Ss. Francis and Anthony, and by St. Joseph Cupertino, and based on the Vatican II document, Perfectae Caritatis, which says, "The main task of monks is to render to the Divine Majesty a service at once simple and noble within monastic confines. This they do either by devoting themselves entirely to divine worship in a life that is hidden, or by lawfully taking up some apostolate or works of Christian charity."

Our tradition assigns no other end to the life of a Conventual monastic than to live for cmpassion alone, and to empty ourselves so completely that every breath becomes an experience of conversion and healing. It is with this in mind that I will seek to make amends for the failures in my life to be the reflection of the Love that is God, by prayer, study of the sacred writings of the Church, silence and service to the Franciscan community and Church.

Thomas Merton writes:

"In reality all men are solitary. Only most of them are so averse to being alone, or to feeling alone, that they do everything they can to forget their solitude."

Even though I will renounce my connection with the world around me, and leave behind the habit and life of the Third Order Regular, I will remain deeply united with all of Creation, and in solidarity with all consecrated religious on a deeper, and profoundly more mystical level.

In The Velvetine Rabbit, the Skin Horse says, "Real isn't how you were made it's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

My journey within this weekend was a journey in which I realised the time had come for me to turn the corner, and to allow myself to know the love of that Holy Child I experience in the Most Blessed Sacrament that Child, whose Mother gave me to Him that Child, who really does love me a "long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves me"

And by grace and constant conversion, perhaps one day, I too will become Real.

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