by Will Kester

Created on: January 23, 2008

Resolving differences for better personal relations, or, "Dealing effectively with others,friends, family, lovers, and co-workers when we disagree."

I've been having an on-going discussion with good friends, recently, about why we seem to want to be right, which makes others who disagree, by definitionwrong. We all have differencesappearances, attire, style, personalities, and we all have opinions, which are different, also. When someone disagrees with us, it is often an acknowledgement that our opinion is worth attacking, and attack they do.

Can people who disagree both be right? I think so. Why does it all have to be about right and wrong? I feel as if we are trained to believe that if we know' we are right, not only does it make us feel good, even superior, it also means we must convince ourselves and others that they are wrong. It meets a sense of logic' that right and wrong are natural opposites.

To improve relationships, in marriage, in friendships, work places, and in politics we need to re-learn real, honest logic. One person does not have to be wrong for the other person to be right. "I know I am right and will fight to defend my position," we say. As Americans say it about freedom, democracy, capitalism and the American way. that scares those in other countries. To them, it is like when Kruschev said that communism would rule the world and America.

Wives say the same thing, and husbands. We are taught to fight for right.' We spend an enormous energy as a people fighting between ourselves over who worships God the right way. We spend our resources trying to force others to behave in a manner that fits our concept of right and wrong.

Jump to a different concept. "Honey, I know that what I am saying about our budget is right, BUT, I realize that what you are saying is true, we do need to buy the children new shoes, but what I am saying iswe don't have the money, now." See how both of them are right? They don't have the money, which is true, but the kids do need new shoes.

What if we used this understanding in the work place? "I know you re sick, but you don't have any sick leave coming." The boss knows he is right. The employee has used up their sick leave. The employee knows they are sick and needs some more days off and can't afford to lose their pay. Maybe, "I'll see if some of the employees will give up some of their sick leave for you." Or, "I can come to work but I will give my flu to all the employees, so maybe I can dip into next year's sick

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