In an environment where sadly half of marriages end in divorce, I believe one of the problems is people don't put as much thought into marriage as they should. When we use the word "love," it can mean very different things. The range can be everything from an intense emotion to a choice to love someone despite circumstances. In addition to the initial feelings of love, you need to look at some relationship issues that could impact whether a marriage succeeds or fails. Here are some of them:
1) How does your potential husband or wife treat other people in general?
I've seen the situation where a guy treated his girlfriend very well but treated other people like dirt. The problem is as when a relationship develops long-term, a bad attitude from either partner is going to leak into it. No one is perfect, and it's reasonable for a person to try to put their best foot forward with people they like. If it's an extreme situation however, you may need to use some caution and give it more time.
In contrast, if they're good to everyone around them (regardless to whether it gains them something or not) you'll probably be all right.
2) Do you have similar values and goals?
When it comes to personalities, I've seen equally good marriages with opposites and people who are similar. As long as you understand the other person and how they think, that's usually not the major issue. Plus it's interesting how in a good marriage a husband and wife can work together, use their strengths, and help each other's weak areas.
When it comes to your overall goals and values in life however, too big of a gap can cause a lot of conflict down the road. It's something you want to address as early as possible with the help of a good pre-marriage counselor or pastor. It's not that people are hiding ideas about the future from their potential spouse but that it's often never brought up.
3) Have you taken the time to develop a good friendship?
I was fortunate enough that I really did marry my best friend. People are amazed sometimes at how well my husband Cory and I work together-the running joke with our friends for a long time was just trying to get us to fight over something! Something I never really had anyone explain to me is love does mature over time in a good way. When people get divorced because that initial emotion or passion fades off, they've missed an entire aspect of marriage that's very important.
The best final advice I can give you is just to look deep in your heart about it. Most people have good intuition about who they should marry, but I just think other people ignore important issues when they shouldn't. Don't rush in too quickly, but if you're sure don't drag it out either. I wish you the best in life!
Learn more about this author, Patricia Gilliam.
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