by Laura Caine

Created on: January 22, 2008   Last Updated: March 04, 2011

Good communication is one of the best indicators of a good relationship. When couples communicate, they share themselves with each other and grow closer. In those rare instances of misunderstanding one another, good communication gets the relationship back on track before the couple grows apart. But what can you do when your partner has difficulty communicating?

Kathy and Don were stuck in a holding pattern. When the credit card bills came in, Don saw that Kathy had once again racked up debt exceeding the limits of their budget. Rather than sitting her down and talking calmly about it, he paid the bill and said nothing. Then, when she wore a new sweater the following day, he became irritable and uncommunicative. Kathy chalked it up to another of Don's mysterious "bad moods," and went shopping with her best friend. This pattern repeated itself over and over again in their marriage because Don had difficulty expressing his emotions. How can they communicate more effectively?

When Don got the credit card bill showing all Kathy's charges, he should've asked Kathy right away if he could speak with her privately. Then he could've said, "Kathy, I know how much you enjoy shopping and getting new clothes. I wish we could always buy whatever we want, whenever we want it, but that's not in our budget if we want to go to Bermuda this year. Can you help me figure out a way to get these credit card bills down?" In this way, Don did not accuse Kathy of overspending; he expressed himself clearly, stated the problem and enlisted her help to solve it.

It is hard for some men to admit that funds are finite. Men like to be the knight in shining armor, providing a woman with everything her heart desires. However, not only is this unrealistic in most households, it is unhealthy. Nowadays, men and women share equal responsibility for contributing financially and emotionally to the relationship, so men may want to rethink their role in the partnership. Similarly, Kathy needs to educate herself about their financial situation, and assist Don in reaching their goals. When they see each other as equal partners, effective communication becomes easier and the relationship deepens.

Alan and Jean had a different problem: Alan was beginning to wonder why Jean never said, "I love you." It wasn't that he thought she didn't love him, he just hardly ever heard her say it, and he liked to hear it. He mentioned this to his sister during one of their phone conversations and she told him something that

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>