How to Cure the Plague
By: Lauren Shain-Raque

Just the other day I was walking down the street and thinking to myself, How do you cure the plague?' Why I asked myself this I have yet to discover but I think that what I found merits some attempt on my part to inform everyone I can. My first instinct was to throw caution to the wind and forget about the whole silly thing, I mean really, how often is it that someone comes down with the plague? Upon reaching my destination I casually threw my sister out of the computer chair and was mysteriously routed via cable modem to a website that held the answer to the question that I had previously pondered, what I found was greatly disheartening.

According to my research, 10 to 20 people in the U.S. contract it every year, kinda makes you wanna wear a bubble suit don't it? After reading that I decided that even though the odds of me getting the plague were marginally slim, my bad luck pretty much ensured that I should be getting it any day now. Call it a whim, a petty desire, or a completely founded need to know, but I decided what could it hurt to spend a few extra minutes learning how to cure the plague other than the homework that was due the next day?
The cures are relatively simple if you have access to a supply of sulphonamidesomethingorother drugs or a vaccine that takes weeks to work, in which you will likely die. I've got a cure or two of my own that I think I should pass on just for good measure for those of us that don't have a readily handy supply of pharmaceuticals. First off stay away from rats, rats are nasty so that shouldn't be any problem for the majority of us. Second bathe often, which also shouldn't be a problem because no one likes to be stinky.
Various other sources list lancing, which basically means poking at the blisters with sharp objects, fun right, first you get the plague and then you get to stab yourself and get an infection! They also say bleeding is a good cure, I don't know about you but bleeding is never fun for me, maybe I'm just weird. Yet another way to get rid of the plague is not to eat putrid food, now who would think of that, it also says that sanitation is important, which believe it or not I don't think that people playing in waste is that big of a problem. Lastly they say that witch craft is a sure fire way to be completely alienated from everyone in the world, I mean they say it helps with the plague and stuff.
I think that the best advice that anyone could give for curing the plague would simply be, don't get it. I mean, that's pretty straight forward but heck, why would anyone want to get the plague other than to tell people that they survived it? So yeah, free Kuwait, don't wear fur, and don't get the plague, peace out.

Learn more about this author, Lauren Shain- Raque.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: What to do when you're sick?
We want to hear your view. Write now!