by Laurie Feldman

Created on: January 22, 2008

As a naive nineteen year old who found herself pregnant, I made a promise that I would not let parenthood change my life. I could still be cool and fun and do all the things I did before the baby after it was born, I assured myself.

Thirteen years later, I can not help but laugh at myself. Ignorance truly is bliss, which was why I was able to delude myself during my pregnancy that being a parent would be a piece of cake. Unlike "other" people, I had been around babies all my life. My mother is one of seven children and my father is one of five, so growing up I had plenty of opportunity to participate in caring for children. I knew nothing would really need to change.

The day that I brought my daughter home from the hospital, I realized what an absolute idiot I truly was.

A SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE

From the moment that my baby was born, I became consumed with her well being. No longer did I worry about whether or not I was tired, happy, or comfortable- my thoughts were all about her. I wondered constantly about whether or not she was okay. I was always trying to entertain her for fear she was "bored". I examined her from head to toe to make certain I was not ignoring any emerging health condition that she might have. Essentially, I became a neurotic nutball, acutely aware, that if even the slightest thing went wrong with my baby, I would have a nervous breakdown. The whole of my happiness now depended on the well being of a six pound person for whom I'd know for forty eight hours. Let me tell you, it's pretty tough to be cool and fun with such a tall order on your plate.

I DIDN'T JUST HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY...

As I understood that my happiness depended on her well-being, I realized that this relationship was reciprocal, meaning of course that her happiness depended on my well-being. I stopped smoking, drinking, and doing anything remotely risky, like, driving to the grocery store by myself (thankfully, this change was short-lived). When you have a child, all of sudden, self-preservation becomes extremely important. Risk-takers reconsider activities like bungee jumping and hang gliding. People who were conservative before they had kids, think carefully about thinks like driving in cars and flying in planes. This doesn't mean all parents shun modes of transportation, but gone are the days of being carefree.

RESPONSIBILITY CAN BE AN UGLY WORD

As a parent, that when I go to a party, I know that three martinis tonight
will mean a rough morning tomorrow. I can't

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