by N. O. Tate

Created on: January 22, 2008   Last Updated: May 19, 2010

Family support and contact is ABSOLUTELY imperative to parenting! It is an opportunity to share the cultures of generations, and to show off the people who helped mold us into the parents we are today. But sometimes, things go amiss. That is what this article is about.

It's the typical once-a-year visit from my husband's parents. We love them. And, partially because they live so far way, we happen to believe that they are just as anxious to participate in the life of their son and his family, as we are to share ourselves with them! Yet, things don't go well.

After their visit - after things calm down and get back to normal - my husband sighs and says, "I just wish they could see our household like THIS! Us being ourselves is what I wanted to share with them!"

We nearly laugh as we mull over the events. Nearly, but not quite. "What?" we wonder, "happened that prevented us from being able to "show off" to his parents?"

Here, in part, are some thoughts from this discussion.

FIRST: FAMILIES HAVE THEIR OWN RHYTHMS
Our thirteen-year-old son rises at 6:00 a.m. He groggily walks to the kitchen, grabs orange juice and toast, and meanders over to the computer to check email and to print his previous night's homework.

My husband and I rise later, at 7:00 a.m., (neither of us having to work until 9:00). By the time we get downstairs our son has completed his computer musings, chosen and usually eaten his breakfast; and has a few minutes to visit with us before he runs upstairs to change.

Our daughter joins us during these early-morning minutes, yawning her way to the fridge for some juice and sleepily sitting at the table to listen quietly, until her mind wakes up. By 7:30 the house is abuzz with chatter as we remind one another of the events of the day. My husband will pick up my son after soccer practice. I'll meet my daughter at the library. We need milk and, of course, more juice.

We like our routine. It is relaxed, productive and, it fits our family profile.

Visitors might have a different opinion about our "rhythm of life." Some folk are so strongly rooted to their mental picture of what home life should look like, that they cannot experience the beauty of a truly-functional family whose routines have evolved along differing lines. In fact, one of the reasons we love being Americans, is because each household can and DOES have its own unique flavor. When we go to friend's houses, it is almost like visiting another country. (A country whose traditions and values have

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