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Preparing to change baby's bottom I had everything ready and close to hand. Fresh nappy beside me, wipes on hand and some lovely scented baby talc. I love that smell, fresh baby talcum powder, this is what I miss about little baby's the most.

All prepared, as all perfect parents are. And I am a perfect parent.

Laying baby on the floor I proceed to remove the tabs from his nappy, but as I do I realize he's in the middle of performing a bowel action. Lifting the nappy up again I wait patiently. Then I continue with the changing routine. I have the wipes out and am cleaning up his mess. I'm safe for a moment.

Talking to one of the other kids my attention is diverted for a fraction of a second. Setting my attention back to the baby I realize he hasn't finished. Wipes are flying everywhere, green muck on kicking ankles and poop all over my carpet and floor. The other kids are looking on as I bark orders to fetch me cloth nappies, and to make haste. Hitting panic mode, I've got wipes being tossed around the room, powder puffing up a smoke screen in front of me.

Finally, after a bath and clean clothes and the carpet has been scrubbed, that incident will be one to remain in the memory bank for a little while.

Later, my partner arrives home from work.

"Hi honey, the baby needs a change. Do you think you can manage it?"

"No problem." It never is a problem because my other half is one of the most pro-active fathers in the world.

A little while later I can hear swearing and sounds of annoyance coming from the other room. Upon entering I see wipes being thrown around, a huge pile of dirty green smeared ones beside him too. Puffs of powder are floating in the air and the other kids are looking on with great interest and laughing. There's the baby, happy as a pig in poop, as the saying goes and in this instance, was literal.

"Instead of standing there will you come and help me?" My other half pleads.
I already have a bath towel ready and the water running. My previously clean baby is not a pretty sight anymore.

"I took his nappy off and he was in the middle of finishing his movement. Next it was oozing everywhere, great big slithering snakes."

"Geez honey, how come this only happens to you?"

"Oh, so sorry, you're the perfect parent aren't you?"

"Yes, I am." I agree with him, trying to stop from laughing very loudly.

Learn more about this author, R.L Hanlon.
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