by Tonya Barton

Created on: January 21, 2008

As we discuss how to resolve our differences, I think it's best if we first agree to disagree. It's likely we won't see eye to eye on every detail. More importantly, let's keep this on the level of a debate and not turn it into an argument. It really is that simple you know.

Certain meaningful discussions will certainly open up with those we consider closest to us. Husbands, wives, friends, co-workers, and the like. These discussions are out of the realm of our usual small-talk and often solicit our personal opinions. Opinions that are sure to exhibit exactly how our viewpoints differ, setting the stage for what will ultimately determine the longitude of that relationship.

If you take to heart a couple of simple rules however, any relationship can flourish even when you've voiced your differences.

Debate, not argue. Some might say that debating and arguing are the same thing. I disagree. Of course passion is involved in both debating and arguing. However, during a debate most people typically remain level-headed and don't get overly heated. All too often that is exactly what happens in arguments.

Your opinions and feelings should be communicated, but how communicate makes all the difference in whether or not you successfully make your position known. It's about planting the seed of thought and giving it time to blossom. Speaking your mind in a passionate yet placid way. Staying calm is key to being understood. Just as important, keep an open mind and don't interrupt when being spoken to. Be willing to at least take-in the opposing argument. Even the best of friends don't always subscribe to the same philosophies.

Screaming and profanity while trying to communicate, are sure-fire ways to turn off the one to whom you are trying to enlighten. They will almost certainly and instantaneously put up a mental block, completely shutting you out. At that point, the only thing that has been accomplished is both parties are now frustrated and angry.

When all is said done, whether it be at home or around the water-cooler ... The only way to really resolve your differences is by agreeing to disagree. That's really what resolve boils down to after-all. The "new thought" of I may be right, or maybe not. It doesn't matter either way. What matters is that you've laid your cards on the table and paved the road for better personal relations.

Be careful though, to not confuse resolve with what can be easily disguised as dissolve.

Resolve is making your point, standing by your belief, yet at the climax of it all you agree to disagree with a statement like; "I still feel my position is stronger and makes more sense, but I feel where you're coming from."

Dissolve is making your point but for the sake of argument you then pretend to give in to the other person's philosophies, when you still believe otherwise. You might find yourself ending the discussion like; "Okay, you win, I was wrong." Even when you don't mean it. That resolves nothing. Dissolve, in the long run will only build resentment.

Resolving differences for better personal relations has less to do with being different than it does with just being yourself and communicating in a way that others can appreciate and you can be proud of. It's not about winning or losing, or personal gain. It's simply about communicating. If you're on the opposite side of this philosophy, I agree to disagree.

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