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What I learned not to do from my parents

I don't know where my parents learned their parenting skills. I guess they learned things from a different time and a different place. But times have changed and they remain the same. It's just who they are.

Now it is my turn to be a parent. As a mother of three young children, I try to do things much differently from my parents because that's who I am.

At first thought, inspire comes to mind. I strive to inspire my children. I want them to realize whatever their wildest dreams will be. I feel that it is my responsibility to lay a foundation of confidence so that they will not be so fearful of the beautiful world around them.

I teach my children to respect others by showing my respect for them. I wish more parents would do that. Just because you are the parent doesn't mean you get to disrespect and belittle your children. Why do some parents feel they can do such a thing? This is such a disservice to your children. Use time to uplift them, not hurt them.

My seven year old girl talks a lot. I soak up every word. I don't care how meaningless her conversation may seem, it's very meaningful to her and that's all that matters. So, I listen, show interest, and ask questions. I encourage her ideas. It's important that I let her know that I care about what she thinks and how she feels. I do this with my four year old son too. This is such a small thing to do and it has such a huge impact on how your child will feel about themselves in the future. It's all part of stabilizing that foundation of confidence.

On the Fourth of July, buy firecrackers. Obviously use caution because they can be dangerous, but please buy them. Children love them. It is such a bonding experience. It is not the act of having firecrackers, but the meaning behind it. The look on your children's faces and all the fun and excitement just says it all. This is shear family fun.

When my children feel that they have learned something new and they tell me about it, I commend them on how well they've learned it. I don't care if they've gotten the information wrong or not. I care not to rudely correct them because where's the point in that? Their desire to come and talk to me first is what I truly appreciate. What parent wouldn't love this?

I never laugh at my children. I laugh with them. Laughter should be used as a remedy and not as a symbol of ridicule. I never want my children to feel ridiculed by me. I imagine they will get enough of that from strangers. Home is where they know things are open, safe, and where they can be who they are with no questions asked.

So, I've learned to do everything my parents didn't do for me. I believe that my parents are the way they are because that is just how things turned out for them. It is my turn to break that chain of dysfunction. I also believe that because they raised me the way they did, makes me the parent that I am today. And I thank them for that.

Learn more about this author, Cheryl Loux.
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