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Your children do not come with instruction books is what I have always been told. There are plenty of books about raising children or being good parents on the market, but your particular child and your particular parents did not come with specific directions. I have relied mostly on common sense, trial and error, and lessons learned from my own childhood on things to avoid and never do as a parent.

In my earliest recollections, my parents were the sun, the moon, the path to food, warm beds, first aid stations, as well as the most knowledgeable people in the universe. They knew when Lassie was coming on, they knew when it was bedtime, they knew when either I or my 5 siblings were in the kitchen getting into the cookies even if they were in another room. They knew who started the argument, they knew who hit who first, they knew I would love the new basketball. They were just the smartest people on the planet! Then my father left home, permanently. This began my lessons on how not to be when I became a parent.

LESSON #1: Do not put your child in the middle of your adult issues.

Children are not little adults, they are not pawns to be used to get your point across to your mate, your ex mate, your neighbor, your in-law, your sibling, their sibling. If you as an adult or parent cannot find a way to handle a situation, your child is certainly not able either.

During the scheduled visitations with my father in my pre-adolescent years, each visit ended with a call from my mother to me requesting that I ask Dad for her check. Dad was never late with his check, she was supposedly trying to save him a stamp, but the stamp seemed to be more important than the shame and guilt I felt having to do this adult chore. Neither of them seemed to understand the problem of putting this on my shoulders. After three years of this tradition, Dad could have just had the check ready to begin with or Mom could have just asked him herself, but no, they both settled into this tradition, while their son was quickly losing interest in spending time with Dad, knowing the call would come and the chore would be required of him.

LESSON #2: Your child needs a parent first and foremost.

Although you can be a parent that listens to your child, your child should not become your friend, confidant or therapist.Children need guidance, boundaries, moral reasoning, and they need an adult, hopefully, a parent to teach them all these lessons. Children need role models, they need adults in their lives who they

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