by Todd Pheifer

Created on: January 21, 2008

No matter how old I get, I will always be my mother's little boy. Every phase of parenting is different, but you are never truly done being a parent. That said there comes a point when active "parenting" is drastically diminished. In the case of adult children, parents may be unwilling to provide further guidance, and those children may not want any further parenting. Still, it is sometimes difficult to let go. Here are a few tips for avoiding the urge to parent your adult child.

Keep reminding yourself that they are an adult!

Despite the fact that your child will always be your "child", they do reach a point where they have to make their own decisions. Granted, viewing them as an adult does sometimes require a shift in mindset. Therefore, some people must simply remind themselves over and over again that their child is an adult and should be treated accordingly. It may feel strange for some time, but behavioral shifts like this sometimes take years, particularly when unraveling habits that are decades in the making.

Listen first, talk later

Parents get used to giving instructions. Again, this is developed over years and years from when the child is very young. As a child becomes an adult, the parent must shift from being a talker to a listener. Rather than immediately giving instruction, the parent should listen to any issue that their adult child brings up, and only offer a perspective if the adult child asks for advice. It is difficult for a parent to watch their child make mistakes, but sometimes this is the only way that someone learns.

Recognize that every generation does things a little differently

Studies have shown that every generation behaves in their own special way. Most parents probably hope that on some level their children will emulate them when they get older, but the reality is that children only follow their parents to a certain extent. As older parents deal with the changes in the overall world, they must also deal with the differing philosophies of their children. Sometimes adult children do not necessarily do things better or worse, but just differently.

Parenting is a lifelong experience, so it can be difficult for parents to let go of giving their adult children advice. What older parents need to remember is that their adult children must live their adult lives and make their own mistakes. This doesn't mean that they should abandon them and refuse any future help, but they should be cognizant that their role as parents is now different.

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