by E. Rae Fallesen

Created on: January 21, 2008

I'm a pro at coping with feeling lonely in a crowd. Some people thrive off of mass social interaction, some people thrive off of one-on-one's. If you're a small-group type chances are you've felt a heavy twinge of loneliness amidst the chaos.

The good news is that even the most shy people have options. You can leave the crowd and go chill with a single buddy, or you can keep working the crowd to see what the effort nets you.

What to do when you feel lonely in a crowd:

1) Take a few deep breaths. Decide what is going to make you happy. Sometimes you just don't want to deal with all the small talk and nicey-niceness of massive interaction. This is alright. If you're not on business or fulfilling a family obligation then there is nothing wrong with disengaging yourself from the scene.

However, if there is some reason you can't just excuse yourself you're going to have to work a little harder. You'll get some positive results for your efforts, don't worry.

2) If you're stuck in the crowd look around carefully. I bet there are several more people who feel exactly like you do. Work your way over to them but don't mention how awkward you feel. You don't want to come on too strong, too desperate or too needy. You want to appear confident. Appearing confident is the key in any social situation. Everyone has issues and no one wants a stranger to unload all over them.

3) So you've found that suspected someone. You think they feel as uncomfortable as you do. It breaks some imaginary ice in your head. Without the need to spell it out you've already got something in common. Introduce yourself and ask them a few questions about themselves. Anyone can talk about themselves, it's easy and thoughtful of you to ask.

4) Now you're networking. Don't cling to your newfound friend. New "friendships" are fragile and can't support weight for very long. Find another. You'd be surprised at how many people you can meet if you just keep acting confident. Confidence is like a magnet. Don't act like a mean jerk but tell yourself you aren't dependent upon anyone else's approval. Use your freedom to reach a social goal. Tell yourself you're going to meet a tenth of the people in the crowd. Every new person you meet you ups your odds of finding a true buddy.

5) After the party give all of those new faces a few thoughts. There are probably one or two that you consider keepers. Maybe you'll see them at the next function. Maybe you shared the same obscure interests. Depending on the situation you could drop them a line. See if they want to grab a bite or go to a movie. The next time you see them in a crowd you will instantly feel less lonely.

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