My father watched over me from a distance. I knew he cared for me but there existed a gulf between us that was never bridged . Whenever I attempted to build a bridge ,so as to speak , and cross over a simple frown on his face would be enough to consign the project back to the drawing board once more.

Maybe it was the way he was reared as a child himself. He came from a family where he had to compete for affection with five step brothers , three brothers and two sisters. Maybe his father could not afford to show favoritism to any individual.Maybe in those days to show any emotion ,especially your father, was taken as a sign of weakness.

If such was the case it may well explain the strong independence that my father displayed. No doubt he was bullied by his siblings and that may explain his desire to be strong and rise above it. It may also explain his determination to be the best at anything he undertook so that he could win the approval not only of his peers but especially that of his father.

Unfortunately I don't have any brothers so the opportunity to be bullied was left to the school yard where the bullies were more savage and aggressive than those in a family. Each time I appealed to my father I was turned away to develop my own independence and cope with the situation as best I could. My own attempt at establishing independence against what I considered to be unfair and overwhelming obstacles only left me with a distinct lack of confidence bordering on timidness. However it did instill in me a hatred for cruelty in any shape of form , especially bullying .

We are what we are as a result of many factors that influence us and shape us during our development from child to adult. Perhaps that is why a delinquent will blame his parents first for his misfortune in life. How often do you hear that because a father ill treated his son as a child the child went on to lead a life of crime?

I was lucky in that respect. Although my father watched me from a distance and made me develop my own style of independence he did step in whenever I looked like diverting from his plans for my development . As I said before ,I knew he cared for me . Trouble is I was never sure he loved me. I guess he did. It takes a lot of love to stop a child turning into a delinquent.

Learn more about this author, Barry Williams.
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