by Samantha Farrow

Created on: January 21, 2008

It was my second year of college. I was a twenty eight year old woman, recently separated from my husband. It wasn't because of one specific reason, I just wasn't happy. We had been through our ups and downs over the previous twelve years; three children, financial struggles, our wedding, three years previous to this. In the end, I knew that I couldn't stay. I wasn't bitter about any of it, however, I wasn't exactly wanting to skip down the isle again, either.

Enter Mary, one of my classmates, who came bubbling into the cafeteria on a bright fall day. She was only eighteen years old and filled with a vibrance only know to youth before they go through the struggles of adulthood and come out on the other side, quietly accepting themselves, but less vibrant than they were. "We're getting married, he proposed," she said, sing songily, while waving her ring about. Oh boy, I thought. She had met her fiance the year before, he wasn't much older than she, maybe nineteen. The next seven months, Mary went on about their wedding plans whenever we gathered in the cafeteria, notice I said wedding plans, not her marriage. Finally one day, I looked at Mary, told her I was happy for her, however, what happens after the wedding? "We are married," she replied. "I know that, but then what? Have you given married life any thought?" She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I really wasn't trying to rain on her parade, however, I had seen this so many times. A happy, engaged woman gushing about flowers, dresses, churches, rings....I had heard all of it. What I wasn't hearing about was the ever after, the day after the wedding, when you wake up, roll over and realize that you just committed yourself to the next seventy years with this one person. Maybe I was being cynical, but I didn't think so.

Mary got married that summer. From the pictures, it was an elaborate, beautiful wedding. In September, we started classes again. Once again, on a beautiful fall day, Mary burst into the cafeteria. "He is lazy, and leaves his laundry all over the house. I tell him not to, but he does. He expects me to do everything for him. I am not his mother," she proclaimed, lacking the sing songy tone. I smiled as she sat down. "You were right, it isn't as much fun to be married as it is getting married. How do you do get past this?" she asked. "I am the wrong person to ask, I left," I told her.

So, are all marriages doomed? No. I would do it again, if I were to find the right person. However, I wouldn't spend all my finances and emotions on the wedding. The wedding is only one day, a marriage should last a life time. This is done best when two people love each other, when they know each other and what to expect. Laundry is only a small example of the troubles a couple may face; it is a small, inconsequential problem when compared to others. When the small problems start building up, or when a couple faces a much larger problem, it is how this is dealt with that will make or break the relationship. When all expectations are put on that one day, well, let's just say the following days are a bit of a surprise. Never get married just to have that day, get married to have life time with the other person.

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