by Chris Leach

Created on: January 20, 2008

I've just got through the Customs queue for yet another trip and I'm so smug with self righteousness it might be a sin. When you travel inter state and internationally 12 to 20 times a year you begin to acquire a kind of zen-like ability to have fun with the system. Admittedly, my kind of zen is not the omni-beneficial kind that Tibetan monks are famous for. It's more like an anti-establishment, how-can-I-have-fun-with-this kind of zen. And it comes from surviving some full scale battles with the people who see the new airplane rules concerning carry-on luggage as a way to carry out their own personal frustrations and inadequacies.

We all know why the rules are there, and we all respect those rules, but when individuals choose to wield those rules like a power hammer with the intent to crush anyone who slightly disagrees or asks a question, then their abusiveness deserves some response.

Like when these liquid/gel/cream Nazis look at your 110 Milliliter (Ml) bottle of after shave and say "It's too big" and you want to say "Yes the bottle is indeed a 110 Ml bottle and the rule for liquids is 100 Ml but do you see that there is far less than 100 Ml in that bottle? Isn't the rule to do with the liquid and not the bottle size? The regulations are quite clear in that they refer to the substance, not the container".

This anti wrinkle cream 50 Gram bomb that I have? Well yes, even though it is less than 5% of the 2 Liter bottle of Scotch I'm getting on the other side, when I mix the two it is gonna blow someone up pretty quick when they drink it.
Well, by all means please measure the offending, potential bomb deodorant in that container and let's see if it exceeds 100 Ml. The only thing that will go off is your body odor.

Oh, yeah sure, go ahead, take that tube of 110 Ml of toothpaste, half used and scrunched up like a prune. I admit you can't see that there is less than 100 Ml in it. By the way, When I get through Customs and into Duty free, where they sell everything supersize, I'm gonna buy six of those tubes, 200 Ml of after shave, 500 Ml of perfume, 2 Liters of wine, mix em all up and see what explodes.

That extra hard drive that I forgot to take out and display it in an open container? Well, yes, I did simply forget about it because, you see, I never saw it as a threat unless you count the several warning letters I had to dole out to a couple of tardy employees. Now that you mention it, they would be a serious threat to national security the way they make mistakes

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