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and get in my car in time to beat traffic. I could make it to all my kids' sports practices and games. I could be the "mystery reader" at school periodically, rather than relying on other moms to do all the volunteering in the classrooms.

I should have been satisfied, right? Didn't I leave my previous company and position to because I wanted more balance? For the first six months, I was happy with the change. I immersed myself in learning new skills and adjusting to a new career direction, and it was plenty challenging. I was thrilled to be responsible for myself and only myself-no line of people waiting outside my office, no calls at odd hours, no recruiting, hiring, evaluating, firing. No direct accountability for making revenue goals and exceeding budgets. No weight of the world on my shoulders to keep me up at night.

A year into my new job, though, the newness faded, the challenges waned, and the pace was just too slow for my taste. The days did not fly by like they did before, and the rush I used to get from the fast pace and craziness at my old job just didn't happen often enough in my new job to keep me and my type-A personality satisfied. It dawned on me that being in a leadership role had perks I did not realize.

So when I saw the job posting for the director level position, I jumped on it. I rationalized that the break from management was nice, but I needed more responsibility, more challenge, and more authority again. I wanted to facilitate change, make things happen faster. Was I crazy? Why would I give up my freedom, my flexibility, and my balance?

To others this chronic need for more can be misinterpreted as ungratefulness or selfishness. Friends wonder, "Can't you be thankful for what you have?" Loved ones sometimes internalize the behavior: "Why can't I ever make you happy?" Fortunately my best friend understands my restlessness, although she can't relate. She has been in the same position for the last eight years and is perfectly content. When I ask her what is wrong with me for not being satisfied with my perfectly balanced life now, she says I have something in me, an innate need to be constantly challenged. She says it has been there as long as she has known me. She's nice enough not to judge me for it.

Since I did not get this particular promotion and the decision was made for me, I can stop questioning myself for the time being. So how will I keep the restlessness at bay until the next big opportunity comes along? I will ask for more projects to keep me busy and challenged, and I will let the class mom know that sure, I would be happy to volunteer in my son's classroom on Thursday morning. Maybe I will even start training for my first marathon.
Oh, and I will let my son know that it is okay not to settle for the roles people choose for you. I will make sure he understands that it is perfectly acceptable to want more and that striving to reach those goals can be very satisfying indeed.

Learn more about this author, Tanya Puckett.
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