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When we do visit, we will find the neighbors coming up to her place to chat. Even the butcher in the market asked her where her son of Nepal' was.

Growing Pains: The benefits flow both ways. Many a time, I am called upon by friends and neighbors who look after my son for advice on bringing up their own teen-aged children or for others who have problems related to my occupation.

Holiday Bargains: When a few families of a village goes on holiday together, their members can fill a bus load or two and a few units in a hotel. We approach tour agencies on our own, arrange our own itineraries, get the coach to come by our village to fetch us from each home and literally travel together for the few days away.

Incentives: My baby-sitter gets pro-rated on her bonus yes, I gave her bonus pegged to the rate I got. It is only fair that as employers, we treat our employees fairly. It didn't matter that she was also my son's godmother. When there are special offers, my village keeps me informed and likewise, when I have special offers coming through work, my village benefits too.

Just when we think that having a village to look after our child is all heaven and none of hell, stop and think again. As with all things, if there are advantages, there will also be disadvantages of having a village raise your child to you, your child and your family.

Judgment warped: As nature would have it, personality traits are all unalike and what is cute and acceptable in one household is a bane in another. I was brought up in a very strict family, relatives included, and for my village to think it cute that my then year-old son threw a toy out of the window of the twelfth floor window, well, you know the turmoil that I was in!

Kindred Spirit or too much of it: Sometimes you may just feel like strangling your child when he says he would prefer to stay with the village folk and not go home with you. Take it positively that it is time for you to reflect on the time you spend with your child and the things you do with him. You will soon find the way to win him back and it will be for the long run. Focus on values and not on extrinsic short term pleasures like bribery with a toy.

Likes and Dislikes: My neighbors spoilt my son they would get him his favorite chocolate and stock the refrigerator with it, buy the goldfish of his choice after he scared their arapaima dead. There is again the battle to win your child back. Some will say I am a mean mother but I literally told my child that he is banned from visiting any home until he learns to ask if I could accept any small gifts from our neighbors and friends.

I could go on until the letter Z for either the advantages or disadvantages but the lists will be non-exhaustive. My advice is that you keep your eyes open so that you reap the most out of win-win relationships with your village who have a stake in your child. Just as some are likely to take advantage of your generosity and load their children onto your bandwagon, but on the guard less you do likewise. We do have our blind spots.

If we form our relationships with care in our village, we are likely to form great families and enjoy life with our children without having to tear our hair out. We share resources and reap mutual benefits of raising not only our child but also our neighbors'. Soon the loafing mothers will catch on the spirit and realize they are being left out because of their bad habits and they may change for the better of the village folk.

So be on the lookout, there definitely are better results when the whole village raises your child!

Learn more about this author, Lokemun Magar.
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