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One of the vast ways that India is different from the western world is in the custom of arranged marriages.

Prior to going to India as a cultural researcher, I had a pretty major misunderstanding of the topic of arranged marriages and in fact had a fairly negative attitude regarding arranged marriages.

However, one of the most important aspects of cultural research is putting aside your own beliefs, opinions, and preconceived ideas in order to see more clearly. Thus, I had to put aside my negative opinions about arranged marriages in order to explore the subject with integrity.

What I found surprised me. I found that arranged marriages aren't necessarily a bad thing!

Typically, the burden for the arrangement of the marriage is on the parents. It is the father's responsibility to choose and make the arrangements for a husband for his daughter. This presents a great deal of pressure for the father, and a great deal of shame if he has not arranged a marriage for his daughter by a particular age. (The optimal age depends on various factors such as caste, education level, etc.)

It might seem like an easy matter for a father to arrange the marriage, but a lot of factors must be considered. For instance, generally speaking, marrying outside of one's own caste is frowned upon, so that limits the number of choices. Also, since the majority of Indians are Hindu, and Hindu's believe strongly in astrology, the perspective couple's horoscopes must be analyzed and "suitably matched" or the marriage cannot take place. Additionally, the father will want to make sure that his daughter is marrying into a good family, so a lot of investigation needs to happen before the arrangements are made. The entire issue of arranging a marriage is one of the biggest responsibilities Indian parents face.
One young single Indian woman said to me, "Of course my parents will choose a good husband for me. They love me. Why would they do anything less than choose a good husband for me?" She had confidence that her parents not only loved her and had her best interest at heart, but that they also had more wisdom than she did and could make a better decision for her in the area of marriage.

Most Indians frown upon what they refer to as "love marriages." Love marriages do take place in India, but often without the support of friends or family. And in fact, many people in India feel that love marriages are doomed to failure. Their attitude is not based purely on prejudice regarding love marriages, but in fact is based on a higher divorce rate of those whose marriages were not arranged by the parents.

Although most westerners cannot fathom marrying someone they do not love, it does have its practical points. Most Indians are quick to point out that the divorce rate in India is only 2%, compared to parts of the world where 50% or more of the love marriages end in divorce.

This can be attributed to the fact that marriage in India is not based on feelings, but rather on commitment. One Indian woman said to me, "Here, we get married without having feelings for the person. We base our marriage on commitment, not on feelings. As our marriage progresses, the feelings develop. In America, you base your decision to marry on feelings, but what happens when the feelings wane? You have nothing left to keep the marriage together if you get married according to feelings and then the feelings go away." I had to admit that she had a good point!

Although it would be hard for me to fathom arranged marriages in the U.S., as I researched arranged marriages in India, I experienced a higher degree of appreciation for this aspect of Indian culture.

Learn more about this author, Rebecca Livermore.
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